schedule
January 7, 2013 at 12:00 AM
I liked this story but I'll give you some constructive criticism to help you out. I really liked the dialogue, I thought it was spot-on but the tense you used just seemed awkward and inconsistent. Perhaps using past-tense might have polished it up a little. There are two typos which I will point out to you, because I hate when that happens in my stories: “No! Back off, idiot! Only my can go there!” either it's meant to be me or you left out a word after my :) and the second one I can't find now but I believe it might have been the word 'been' or something similar with a double e.
Perhaps after being serviced after 30 guys she might have started to enjoy it less. I can see that that is where you were going near the end but perhaps a little more emphasise would make it realistic.
I just wanted to say that I thought that was a great quick read, but I was really expecting the Joker to turn up at the end and blow the goons to hell for really believing they could get away with it :D Good luck, and keep up with the writing.
Perhaps after being serviced after 30 guys she might have started to enjoy it less. I can see that that is where you were going near the end but perhaps a little more emphasise would make it realistic.
I just wanted to say that I thought that was a great quick read, but I was really expecting the Joker to turn up at the end and blow the goons to hell for really believing they could get away with it :D Good luck, and keep up with the writing.
schedule
August 10, 2012 at 12:00 AM
Great work on this story. I loved seeing Harley get punished. The humiliation and degradation aspects really appealed to me and I felt they were well presented. Thank you for writing and posting it.