rate_review Reviews

Needs more naked Fenris. Where be chapter 2?

This was... okay? I didn't take much away from it. Your character comes off as a little... self-centered due to the long, rather painful paragraphs taken to describe her. If you want people to know what your character looks like that's fine, but space out the descriptions a little and put them in a more natural context (ie: "The sunlight reflected off her dark red hair." and then maybe a few paragraphs or even pages later: "Her green eyes stared back at her as she gazed upon her reflection", and so on in that fashion.) Also, describe what she is wearing from Fenris' POV (but with less unnecessary detail) instead of hers. What does he like about what she's wearing? Or does he not like it? Does it arouse him? Does it confuse him? And so on.

lol, i love how take chargingly wicked she is!