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April 20, 2014 at 12:00 AM
Awww man... Im so disappointed! It was beyond awesome when I first started reading. The way Krystal just endured so much for Fox, only to find out her "hero" is just a man since he "lost his memory" and treated her like a whore. I loved it up until she found Fox as the male alpha... im sorry to say you totally killed the story for me. Thanks for the first part though, it was inspiring.
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January 19, 2011 at 12:00 AM
YAY! Another chapter! I actually cheered at my computer when i saw you had updated it, thank you and keep em coming! :D
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November 22, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Finally-- out of all the various fics based on LOK one at last has the dual-cocked wolves. I hope much more scenes are features with them. I personally wouldn't mind seeing one (or more) of those dual endowed wolves involved simultaneously with Fox and Krystal. I mean if Krystal can be bi-curious why can't Fox? Maybe Krystal can work on getting Fox's memory back while the two of them are getting penetrated by a wolf?
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November 21, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 10 was... AWSOME! More scales! :D
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November 20, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Ok, I think you need a constructive review.
First of all, and this is pretty much your biggest problem, you need to working on spacing. You keep creating some wickedly long wall of words which makes the story very difficult to read. The mind uses the spacing between paragraphs as a kind of mental marker. Not spacing it properly can cause a person to reread a line over again, which totally destroys the flow of a story. My best advice is to check out some other stories on here and come to your own conclusion about how much spacing you should do. It will improve the quality of your story with hardly any effort.
I noticed a fair share of spelling errors, and words that just didn't belong in place of others. Believe it or not this can be easily fixed using a program like WhiteSmoke. It's an expensive program, but it will in fact improve your stories with little to no effort.
Other then that you seem to have the idea in your head and it's working out well. However, I do have a tiny request. It's natural to regard betrayal with a hostile reaction. I really hope you don't intend to let Nina off with a slap on the wrist for her betrayal. A punch, an ass kicking, something realistic will do just fine. It's more for entertainment purposes than anything else. Even I want to knock her out. ;)
Anyway, do continue the story. It's a lot different than what I usually read, and since I'm a creature of habit, consider it a compliment.
First of all, and this is pretty much your biggest problem, you need to working on spacing. You keep creating some wickedly long wall of words which makes the story very difficult to read. The mind uses the spacing between paragraphs as a kind of mental marker. Not spacing it properly can cause a person to reread a line over again, which totally destroys the flow of a story. My best advice is to check out some other stories on here and come to your own conclusion about how much spacing you should do. It will improve the quality of your story with hardly any effort.
I noticed a fair share of spelling errors, and words that just didn't belong in place of others. Believe it or not this can be easily fixed using a program like WhiteSmoke. It's an expensive program, but it will in fact improve your stories with little to no effort.
Other then that you seem to have the idea in your head and it's working out well. However, I do have a tiny request. It's natural to regard betrayal with a hostile reaction. I really hope you don't intend to let Nina off with a slap on the wrist for her betrayal. A punch, an ass kicking, something realistic will do just fine. It's more for entertainment purposes than anything else. Even I want to knock her out. ;)
Anyway, do continue the story. It's a lot different than what I usually read, and since I'm a creature of habit, consider it a compliment.
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November 15, 2010 at 12:00 AM
I've been awaiting a new chapter for a long time. So thanks for update! :D
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August 1, 2010 at 12:00 AM
I enjoy it and would personally like to see her lose her virginity but i see where trying to stick to the game affects that. I would like to see a new chapter if possible but overall i am enjoying it.
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May 11, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Please update, I read the chapters and let me just say this is a well done story, with good plot and everything and yes I too played Legend of Kystal...