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April 1, 2010 at 12:00 AM
I'm extremely surprised how those tiny snippets got seven ratings at all...
The chapters are too short, not much of a story. Just rushing forwards to the naughty bits isn't what defines a well written fic - first try at fanfic writing or not. Flesh it out, write longer chapters, try to actually think of a story instead of re-telling tiny game-bits and spicing them with your fantasies. And try to stay in character. The Garrus you described is more like an animal in heat than the turian officer we all know. ;)
The chapters are too short, not much of a story. Just rushing forwards to the naughty bits isn't what defines a well written fic - first try at fanfic writing or not. Flesh it out, write longer chapters, try to actually think of a story instead of re-telling tiny game-bits and spicing them with your fantasies. And try to stay in character. The Garrus you described is more like an animal in heat than the turian officer we all know. ;)