schedule
February 8, 2012 at 12:00 AM
This was a great story! You should really make a part two!
schedule
December 26, 2009 at 12:00 AM
mew..puuuuuuurrrrrrrrr. Very nicely written. I especially liked your descriptions and it was easy to get caught up in the story. I hoep you do write a sequel if only to tell us what poor Sora has to do for his lost bet. ^__^
schedule
December 26, 2009 at 12:00 AM
I have nothing against teen sex, but there is something you need to improve on: Your grammar and punctuation. I'm not saying this to be mean, I'm saying this because I want to help out people with being good writters.
For Example:
“That’s nice to here maybe next time they might invite me I’ve always wanted to ride Sora’s monster of a cock.” Tidus said walking with Cloud to the guest before they woke up looking back at the room and smile “Maybe I should asked.?”
Here's how it should be written:
"That's nice to hear that. Maybye next time, they, might invite me over. I've always wanted to ride Sora's monstrous cock." Tidus told Cloud as they walk over to the guests. Before they awaken, the guys looked back at the room and smiled. "Maybe I should ask?"
For Example:
“That’s nice to here maybe next time they might invite me I’ve always wanted to ride Sora’s monster of a cock.” Tidus said walking with Cloud to the guest before they woke up looking back at the room and smile “Maybe I should asked.?”
Here's how it should be written:
"That's nice to hear that. Maybye next time, they, might invite me over. I've always wanted to ride Sora's monstrous cock." Tidus told Cloud as they walk over to the guests. Before they awaken, the guys looked back at the room and smiled. "Maybe I should ask?"