rate_review Reviews

hey can I be in the story

Your summary makes me want to cry. No one "finds out" that they are gay. It doesn't just drop down on you from above one day. Perhaps you mean "realize"?

i really like the story but one thing i must say is that its hard to read when you have more then one person talking i would suggest that you might write your dialog something like this.....


"""""""""""
Not even a minute went by before Sephiroth came running in with a needle? Sephiroth sat down on his knees next to Kadaj before feeling Riku’s forehead.

That’s when Tifa came walking in. “What’s wrong?!” Tifa asked.

“I knew he should have taken his meds before leaving.” Sephiroth said before driving the needle into Riku’s leg and injecting him with something.

“Sephiroth?…” Tifa asked.

“He has really bad asthma Tifa…” Sephiroth answered before Riku blinked his eyes open.


“…Ow… My chest hurts.” Riku said.

“Well what do you expect after having an attack?” Sephiroth responded feeling Riku’s forehead again. “Other then your chest Riku, how do you feel?” Sephiroth asked.

“ okay I think so…” Riku said sitting up.
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that's just something i have picked up i hope you update soon i am interested in seeing how your story goes


Lavigirl
lavi.yu.allen@gmail.com