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May 13, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Good thing you took my advice on making reviews possible to people not logged in. Anyway, review time:
1. I CAN believe Johnny talking about sex like that, but I don't think it would be the only thing he'd talk about. He IS somewhat of a gentleman despite being a playboy.
2. The way Dizzy and Ky spoke made it seem more like the whole "being a chivalrous knight, etc." was just a joke...
3. The sex scene was rather good, but Dizzy seemed a little OOC to me. I know how people can lose it when having sex (and it's not a bad thing most of the time) but she changed a LOT in my opinion...
4. You mentioned the time in the 2nd chapter several times... You don't have to be too specific on such things.
Comments:
1. Despite it being said that Ky's wife is Justice's daughter, one cannot IMMEDIATELY conclude that she is Dizzy (one can speculate that she is, but not be 100% sure) Justice was a General Gear (and an original) therefore one can presume that she did NOT have one daughter. It IS likely that his wife is Dizzy, but one can NOT immediately say that she is.
2. Final note in your story mentioned plans for more KyxDizzy fics. Not a bad idea, but you should probably mention when you intend to do stories for the other pairings mentioned in your profile.
All in all, it's a good story, but there were several things that brought it down. I give it a 7.5/10
1. I CAN believe Johnny talking about sex like that, but I don't think it would be the only thing he'd talk about. He IS somewhat of a gentleman despite being a playboy.
2. The way Dizzy and Ky spoke made it seem more like the whole "being a chivalrous knight, etc." was just a joke...
3. The sex scene was rather good, but Dizzy seemed a little OOC to me. I know how people can lose it when having sex (and it's not a bad thing most of the time) but she changed a LOT in my opinion...
4. You mentioned the time in the 2nd chapter several times... You don't have to be too specific on such things.
Comments:
1. Despite it being said that Ky's wife is Justice's daughter, one cannot IMMEDIATELY conclude that she is Dizzy (one can speculate that she is, but not be 100% sure) Justice was a General Gear (and an original) therefore one can presume that she did NOT have one daughter. It IS likely that his wife is Dizzy, but one can NOT immediately say that she is.
2. Final note in your story mentioned plans for more KyxDizzy fics. Not a bad idea, but you should probably mention when you intend to do stories for the other pairings mentioned in your profile.
All in all, it's a good story, but there were several things that brought it down. I give it a 7.5/10