schedule
September 26, 2009 at 12:00 AM
i am really loving this story so far, keep up the good work! can't wait to read the next chapter.
schedule
April 22, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Sounds like an awesome story! I can't wait to see what happens! please let me know when you update.
twilight_mouri@yahoo.com
twilight
twilight_mouri@yahoo.com
twilight
schedule
April 13, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Ok, here's the thing. I'm actually very interested in this story, but the thing is... well, it's too hard to read.
First off, some of your sentences are not quite complete; they need the subjects in them. Also, some things are a bit unclear.
Second of all, most of what you have is all in big paragraphs. You should separate them into smaller ones, you know? One paragraph for when one person is talking, another for when the next person is talking. Put the sentences that relate to each other more into a paragraph or two.
I don't mean to offend. It's just that I am very interested in this story, but it was difficult for me to read. It will be difficult for others to read, too. I hope you aren't mad.
First off, some of your sentences are not quite complete; they need the subjects in them. Also, some things are a bit unclear.
Second of all, most of what you have is all in big paragraphs. You should separate them into smaller ones, you know? One paragraph for when one person is talking, another for when the next person is talking. Put the sentences that relate to each other more into a paragraph or two.
I don't mean to offend. It's just that I am very interested in this story, but it was difficult for me to read. It will be difficult for others to read, too. I hope you aren't mad.