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June 15, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Well, this is very well-written, and I like that you didn't restrict your story to pure smut, since that can kill a story pretty easily.
My only issue is...well...are we ever going to get any M/F scenes? At the moment, Jill and Rebecca are having all the fun and Chris is stuck just fighting monsters.
Either way, again, this is going well so far!
My only issue is...well...are we ever going to get any M/F scenes? At the moment, Jill and Rebecca are having all the fun and Chris is stuck just fighting monsters.
Either way, again, this is going well so far!
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May 28, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Wow, really nice! I like how it's better than 95% of the fics here in that it doesn't use vulgar words every other word. Well, good luck on it, keep on doing a great job.
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April 12, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Great as always, especially the yuri.
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April 3, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Hey, Eli. Just read through chapters 1 through 5, and I wanted to say nice work so far. 'Clearer in Time' provided me with an inkling of your skill (don't worry, I still plan on reviewing), and it's nice to see your strength in another franchise.
As far as your writing is concerned, you have a penchant for depicting brevity and vividness at the same time. On top of that, you seem to have a certain goal in mind even before you write, and you manage to avoid getting bogged down on details and the lengthy progression of plot with each of your installments. It allows for you to be quite productive, evidenced by your consistent updates (as well as in Clearer in Time).
That said, there are some things worth calling to your attention. You mentioned not having played the original Resident Evil in a while, and unfortunately, with some of the details of your story, it shows. Jill does not stumble upon Rebecca when she's hiding; Chris does. They also don't stick together during the game; once again, Chris and Rebecca team up. Bravo team captain Enrico Marini also does not meet his end in the way you described. All forgivable considering it's been a while since you played Resident Evil 1, but then again, these details are all easily referenced somewhere online. I'm willing to forgive the Jill/Rebecca bit, as you actually used their dynamic in your favor in a couple of chapters. I'll attribute it to creative liberties and write it off as semi-AU for the purposes of the story. No big deal in my book.
Also, while you did transiently mention Rebecca's Resident Evil Zero adventure in the form of the train and the labs, your portrayal of her nonetheless ignores everything she learned from that game. Simply put, she would not be as surprised or as wet behind the ears with the t-virus monsters as you are portraying her. This is probably the most glaring thing I found when reading your story, namely in the earlier chapters. Not too big of a deal once again, since you tend to focus more on action and interaction between the characters, but it's something you may want to keep in mind in case you forgot.
The story itself is fairly well edited. A few spelling/grammar quirks came up here and there, but they're easily fixed once you track them down. The sex was pretty well incorporated, too. I'm in no way a fan of tentacles; I personally find it somewhat gross, but the way you wrote it just seemed to work. As far as the lesbian scene with Jill and Rebecca, being attributed to residual Plant 42 pheromones, it worked as well. I wasn't too keen on the knife bit, but fortunately it never got out of hand. The scene was short, but it worked, and came together pretty nicely. I'm interested to see how they plan on acknowledging it later, if they do.
The other thing regarding Jill and Rebecca I wanted to mention happened in the second chapter when Chris showed up. The tacit attraction Jill had for Chris was nice to read, and the acknowledgment of their deeper connection outside of work was a nice allusion, but I wasn't too keen on the schoolyard jealousy that brewed out of no where. Fine, Rebecca might be somewhat infatuated with Chris, but I didn't like the silent female war that took place in the heads of Jill and Rebecca. Yes, girls can read the body language of other girls quite well, but it seemed clunky and out of place to me. You might have plans for later, but for the purposes of providing a complete review, I just figured I'd chime in and tell you how it came across, at least to me.
All that aside, I'm definitely liking it so far. It's got some flaws, but overall, it flows very well and doesn't stumble over itself. You praised my writing in the reviews you wrote for me, but I think modesty is one of your better qualities. You write very well, and the voices you manage to create for the characters all seem to do them justice. Your descriptions of environments are also nice, and the small actions and similes you provide aptly reproduce the various locales from the game.
Keep up the good work. If your Zelda fic is any indication, you're likely to be very productive with updates for this story as well. God bless your energy; I wish you were able to spare some.
-Jackson
p.s. Resident Evil: Extinction just came on the TV while I was writing this review. Talk about weird.
p.p.s. thanks for the reviews :)
As far as your writing is concerned, you have a penchant for depicting brevity and vividness at the same time. On top of that, you seem to have a certain goal in mind even before you write, and you manage to avoid getting bogged down on details and the lengthy progression of plot with each of your installments. It allows for you to be quite productive, evidenced by your consistent updates (as well as in Clearer in Time).
That said, there are some things worth calling to your attention. You mentioned not having played the original Resident Evil in a while, and unfortunately, with some of the details of your story, it shows. Jill does not stumble upon Rebecca when she's hiding; Chris does. They also don't stick together during the game; once again, Chris and Rebecca team up. Bravo team captain Enrico Marini also does not meet his end in the way you described. All forgivable considering it's been a while since you played Resident Evil 1, but then again, these details are all easily referenced somewhere online. I'm willing to forgive the Jill/Rebecca bit, as you actually used their dynamic in your favor in a couple of chapters. I'll attribute it to creative liberties and write it off as semi-AU for the purposes of the story. No big deal in my book.
Also, while you did transiently mention Rebecca's Resident Evil Zero adventure in the form of the train and the labs, your portrayal of her nonetheless ignores everything she learned from that game. Simply put, she would not be as surprised or as wet behind the ears with the t-virus monsters as you are portraying her. This is probably the most glaring thing I found when reading your story, namely in the earlier chapters. Not too big of a deal once again, since you tend to focus more on action and interaction between the characters, but it's something you may want to keep in mind in case you forgot.
The story itself is fairly well edited. A few spelling/grammar quirks came up here and there, but they're easily fixed once you track them down. The sex was pretty well incorporated, too. I'm in no way a fan of tentacles; I personally find it somewhat gross, but the way you wrote it just seemed to work. As far as the lesbian scene with Jill and Rebecca, being attributed to residual Plant 42 pheromones, it worked as well. I wasn't too keen on the knife bit, but fortunately it never got out of hand. The scene was short, but it worked, and came together pretty nicely. I'm interested to see how they plan on acknowledging it later, if they do.
The other thing regarding Jill and Rebecca I wanted to mention happened in the second chapter when Chris showed up. The tacit attraction Jill had for Chris was nice to read, and the acknowledgment of their deeper connection outside of work was a nice allusion, but I wasn't too keen on the schoolyard jealousy that brewed out of no where. Fine, Rebecca might be somewhat infatuated with Chris, but I didn't like the silent female war that took place in the heads of Jill and Rebecca. Yes, girls can read the body language of other girls quite well, but it seemed clunky and out of place to me. You might have plans for later, but for the purposes of providing a complete review, I just figured I'd chime in and tell you how it came across, at least to me.
All that aside, I'm definitely liking it so far. It's got some flaws, but overall, it flows very well and doesn't stumble over itself. You praised my writing in the reviews you wrote for me, but I think modesty is one of your better qualities. You write very well, and the voices you manage to create for the characters all seem to do them justice. Your descriptions of environments are also nice, and the small actions and similes you provide aptly reproduce the various locales from the game.
Keep up the good work. If your Zelda fic is any indication, you're likely to be very productive with updates for this story as well. God bless your energy; I wish you were able to spare some.
-Jackson
p.s. Resident Evil: Extinction just came on the TV while I was writing this review. Talk about weird.
p.p.s. thanks for the reviews :)
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April 3, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Normally, I absolutely hate Resident Evil, but I adored Clearer in Time so much i thought i'd give it a try. While i think that CIT was superior, this is still great, especially the smut (yayz for tentacles, pheromones and yuri).
When you've finished this story, do you think you could write either a Metroid fic or a CIT sequel.
When you've finished this story, do you think you could write either a Metroid fic or a CIT sequel.
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April 2, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Wow this has a lot of views for being a new fic. It's okay so far.
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April 1, 2009 at 12:00 AM
You're one of the awesome few on this site who can do plot and other things besides smut. For that, I salute you!
I love the yuri in four :) very hot. But then, I'm biased, I love yuri in general :D
Here's hoping to see more with future chapters! More plot, more story, more yuri. :) It's all wonderful.
AssembledCarbon
I love the yuri in four :) very hot. But then, I'm biased, I love yuri in general :D
Here's hoping to see more with future chapters! More plot, more story, more yuri. :) It's all wonderful.
AssembledCarbon
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March 31, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Still lovin' your work Eli.
Although I'd prefer the Yuri Being lengthened a bit, it fits, and it's still hot, so I won't criticize. Consider it just a personal wish.
And if you work the Yuri aspect again...
Is there a chance for Tribadism?
Just my own perverted mind looking for an outlet.
You do your thing, I'll just keep reading.
Thanks for crafting another enjoyable story.
Jinx.
Although I'd prefer the Yuri Being lengthened a bit, it fits, and it's still hot, so I won't criticize. Consider it just a personal wish.
And if you work the Yuri aspect again...
Is there a chance for Tribadism?
Just my own perverted mind looking for an outlet.
You do your thing, I'll just keep reading.
Thanks for crafting another enjoyable story.
Jinx.
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March 14, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Well, Needless to say I'm a big fan of your other story on AFF, and I'm so glad to see you writing. I haven't really followed the story of the original Resident Evil Series, beyond Watching the Movies, and Playing RE4, and gathering what I could of the storyline from there. However, you seem to be doing a fine job so far, of keeping up with the suspense factor and making things fun.
Here's hoping this story is as heart-wrenching, action-packed, and downright sexy as Clearer in Time was.
Ja
The Doc.
Here's hoping this story is as heart-wrenching, action-packed, and downright sexy as Clearer in Time was.
Ja
The Doc.
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March 13, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Good chapter, this interesting story with Jill and Rebecca juntas.Wait for more *.*