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October 8, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Heavy spelling errors distract from the sex, which itself is unimmersive due to references to Earth elements (FRENCH kissing? Really? Kissing with tongue is an acceptable description) as well as the dialogue making it sound like a hardcore porno. There's a difference between porn and erotica, this falls into the former category.
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July 22, 2009 at 12:00 AM
a good story, add more please
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March 24, 2009 at 12:00 AM
That was.... I don't even know. It was unrealistic, definately, but just as dirty and kinky as I ever could have hoped for. I'll look forward to reading more if you write more chapters!
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March 4, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Let me guess; you're a 17 year old virgin, whose sole interaction with girls is to type in your porn site password and masturbate.
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February 6, 2009 at 12:00 AM
This is an awesome story! Really hot, please write more!