errorYou must be logged in to review this story.
schedule
October 30, 2009 at 12:00 AM
I've a huge fan of the Persona series, especially the 4th part. I've played it a lot and it never ceases to amaze me.
But, enough about that.
I've read a lot of fanfiction and even written some, and this fic of yours is... *sigh*
... The best Persona fic i have ever read, plain and simply the best of them all. The characterisation, story and plot twists are just what i would expect to see in a real Persona game, i salute your skills.
I loved the idea of you putting in a 'Bad ending', that shows how deep your skill and understanding of the essence of SMT games goes, congratulations.
I hope to read more of this fic soon, for i am dying to know how this ends. I seriously will cry if i don't find out how this ends. Best of luck with this story and any future stories you may write!
But, enough about that.
I've read a lot of fanfiction and even written some, and this fic of yours is... *sigh*
... The best Persona fic i have ever read, plain and simply the best of them all. The characterisation, story and plot twists are just what i would expect to see in a real Persona game, i salute your skills.
I loved the idea of you putting in a 'Bad ending', that shows how deep your skill and understanding of the essence of SMT games goes, congratulations.
I hope to read more of this fic soon, for i am dying to know how this ends. I seriously will cry if i don't find out how this ends. Best of luck with this story and any future stories you may write!
schedule
September 26, 2009 at 12:00 AM
After all the time I spend checking this bookmark to see if it's happened, it finally paid off! Just asking, are you intending to finish this story? Another great chapter as always; short, but full of development, and more of showing Souji the effect he had on people's lives, which is always nice to see. The relational development was comedic yet still managed to come across as serious, and that's not easy to do. Still liking where this is all going, but I really should just favorite this on FF to save me some time, LOL! Here's to hoping the next chapter comes out soon!
Happy writing, I hope your muse treats you well.
Happy writing, I hope your muse treats you well.
schedule
June 15, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Even though I was ecstatic when I saw this had been updated on both FF and AFF over the past couple of weeks, I was reluctant to review just because of the godawful wait. I almost thought you had given up on it. Thankfully, that wasn't the case! I didn't quite understand the whole point of the weird plane in the other world, but I guess it served well as a reminder to Souji that the others depended on him. However, with the latest chapter, I can finally say--and I'm not one to use profanity that often--$#@& yeah! Awesome!! About damn time!!!!
Personally, I liked Izanami much more than Izanagi, both in mythology and the game itself. I liked the points you brought out, bending the mythos of curses and mistrust to suit the needs of the plot you've set up. I find it funny that while Izanami is titled as the god/goddess of creation and, mostly, death, forever stamped as the one who brought death into the world; that Izanagi isn't given any kind of title like that. I suppose he was meant to be taken as a god above titles and specifics, which fit Souji perfectly. With his all but deistic power now thanks to his persona's true form, I simply can't tell you how much I applaud your twist with Naoto. It seems like she's finally opened her eyes now, so maybe we'll get to see some Souji/Naoto romance yet, outside the realm of violence and angst.
(By the way, even though the bad ending made me cringe just because I knew what would happen, it was spectacularly done. Too many time people fail to see what's right in front of them...until it's too late. That was beautiful, in a Shakespearean tragedy kind of way.)
Very good once again! As always, I eagerly await the next chapter!
Personally, I liked Izanami much more than Izanagi, both in mythology and the game itself. I liked the points you brought out, bending the mythos of curses and mistrust to suit the needs of the plot you've set up. I find it funny that while Izanami is titled as the god/goddess of creation and, mostly, death, forever stamped as the one who brought death into the world; that Izanagi isn't given any kind of title like that. I suppose he was meant to be taken as a god above titles and specifics, which fit Souji perfectly. With his all but deistic power now thanks to his persona's true form, I simply can't tell you how much I applaud your twist with Naoto. It seems like she's finally opened her eyes now, so maybe we'll get to see some Souji/Naoto romance yet, outside the realm of violence and angst.
(By the way, even though the bad ending made me cringe just because I knew what would happen, it was spectacularly done. Too many time people fail to see what's right in front of them...until it's too late. That was beautiful, in a Shakespearean tragedy kind of way.)
Very good once again! As always, I eagerly await the next chapter!
schedule
February 24, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Well, I finally got around to reviewing the latest chapter. Hmm, I don't know, for all that happened in this chapter, it kinda felt like not a lot did for some reason. I don't know, out of all of them, Rise's shadow made the most sense to me in the game. All teenagers are confused about who they are, it comes with the territory, and though she would have the greatest chance of regression, the explanation still seemed kinda off. I like what you've done with the story though, especially how you've followed the basic setup of Persona 4, though I knew that was how it was going after Chie went through hers, and why Naoto would be last. I'm still confused about the Aspects, especially Naoto's involvement in them, but whatever, that's what the next chapter is for.
I know what you said in the beginning, and it doesn't necessarily have to involve that, but a little more romance on Souji and Naoto's part couldn't hurt. I know their drawing apart is because of the plot, but...yeah. I'm a romantic, so it kills me to see something like this, even though it is all for the sake of the story and better love in the end.
Well, onwards and upwards!
I know what you said in the beginning, and it doesn't necessarily have to involve that, but a little more romance on Souji and Naoto's part couldn't hurt. I know their drawing apart is because of the plot, but...yeah. I'm a romantic, so it kills me to see something like this, even though it is all for the sake of the story and better love in the end.
Well, onwards and upwards!
schedule
February 16, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Thank goodness, I was beginning to worry this story had been discarded like your wonderful Mitsuru/Minato one. You really should change the status to oneshot if it was only a oneshot by the way. Just saying.
Anyways, glad to see this chapter, and though the fight went back to the original shorter ones you usually wrote, it was still very good, and nice to see Kanji kickin ass again. I really liked the quote by the way, that was one of the funniest lines in the game, so I was glad to see it here! Nice romantic pairing too, I like the concept of Yukiko and Kanji getting together. Childhood friends would know a lot about each other, and I've always found it weird how people are always so questioning of those relationships. There's nothing weird about childhood friends falling in love, but maybe that's just me.
Anywho, well done once again. Further explanations cometh, so I can't wait for the next chapter!
Anyways, glad to see this chapter, and though the fight went back to the original shorter ones you usually wrote, it was still very good, and nice to see Kanji kickin ass again. I really liked the quote by the way, that was one of the funniest lines in the game, so I was glad to see it here! Nice romantic pairing too, I like the concept of Yukiko and Kanji getting together. Childhood friends would know a lot about each other, and I've always found it weird how people are always so questioning of those relationships. There's nothing weird about childhood friends falling in love, but maybe that's just me.
Anywho, well done once again. Further explanations cometh, so I can't wait for the next chapter!
schedule
January 25, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Okay, I'll do as you asked. Short and sweet, because otherwise I loved the chapter and would normally just congratulate you for a job well done.
1) Yes, Souji's decision was very believable, almost compulsory (and I can't help but add I'm very glad to see your use of Victory Cry). It's very realistic for a situation like that, even though admittedly, situations like that rarely come up in things other than manga, anime, and video games. LOL, that wasn't a hit against you or anything, it was very well written and I enjoyed it thoroughly.
2)The battle was, again, very believable, and the length was impressive without being too much (if there is such a thing as too much fight-scenes). I was very impressed, again, but I can't help but wonder where 'anger' suddenly came from when 'fear' had been made to be the main antagonist so far. Correct me if I'm wrong, but weren't Shadows made from the suppressed thoughts of the human mind? If I researched the games correctly (during and after I played them) Nyx and Thanatos were brought about because of human fear and hatred, whereas Persona 4 focused more on apathy, hence Izanami and Ameno-Sagiri's desire of making the world simple, easy. No fears, no hatred, no anger. It kinda strikes me as odd that with all the human emotions present in the Persona series summoning 'gods' of similar desires, that they be incarnated in the form of mindless instinct this time. Just a thought.
3)So far so good, but I should warn you not to stray too far from their relationship. You've written them very well so far, and the emotional realizations and revelations of this chapter were very well played out. Since they ARE the main couple to which the story is meant to revolve, as you've stated, just be sure you don't forget their relationship in the ensuing mysteries you continue to dangle in front of your readers. It is a very good way to keep interest and I'm loving your work, but a little more Souji/Naoto wouldn't hurt.
4) Though the transition seems a bit confusing, that's what the next chapter is for, so yes, I think it works fine. The end of a chapter in an ongoing work such as this is meant to keep interest up, so I think it works great. Again, it's a bit confusing, and to propose that a regular 'mortal' had some dealing with starting this on his own does seem a bit off if one follows the canon of the Persona series, but I suppose Mitsuru's grandfather did practically single-handedly create the midnight hour and bring about the intervention of Thanatos and Nyx, so I can cut you some slack there, LOL!
Sorry if I seem a bit critical. Devil's Advocate remember? I hope I'm helping, in some small way at least.
And of course, keep up the good work!
1) Yes, Souji's decision was very believable, almost compulsory (and I can't help but add I'm very glad to see your use of Victory Cry). It's very realistic for a situation like that, even though admittedly, situations like that rarely come up in things other than manga, anime, and video games. LOL, that wasn't a hit against you or anything, it was very well written and I enjoyed it thoroughly.
2)The battle was, again, very believable, and the length was impressive without being too much (if there is such a thing as too much fight-scenes). I was very impressed, again, but I can't help but wonder where 'anger' suddenly came from when 'fear' had been made to be the main antagonist so far. Correct me if I'm wrong, but weren't Shadows made from the suppressed thoughts of the human mind? If I researched the games correctly (during and after I played them) Nyx and Thanatos were brought about because of human fear and hatred, whereas Persona 4 focused more on apathy, hence Izanami and Ameno-Sagiri's desire of making the world simple, easy. No fears, no hatred, no anger. It kinda strikes me as odd that with all the human emotions present in the Persona series summoning 'gods' of similar desires, that they be incarnated in the form of mindless instinct this time. Just a thought.
3)So far so good, but I should warn you not to stray too far from their relationship. You've written them very well so far, and the emotional realizations and revelations of this chapter were very well played out. Since they ARE the main couple to which the story is meant to revolve, as you've stated, just be sure you don't forget their relationship in the ensuing mysteries you continue to dangle in front of your readers. It is a very good way to keep interest and I'm loving your work, but a little more Souji/Naoto wouldn't hurt.
4) Though the transition seems a bit confusing, that's what the next chapter is for, so yes, I think it works fine. The end of a chapter in an ongoing work such as this is meant to keep interest up, so I think it works great. Again, it's a bit confusing, and to propose that a regular 'mortal' had some dealing with starting this on his own does seem a bit off if one follows the canon of the Persona series, but I suppose Mitsuru's grandfather did practically single-handedly create the midnight hour and bring about the intervention of Thanatos and Nyx, so I can cut you some slack there, LOL!
Sorry if I seem a bit critical. Devil's Advocate remember? I hope I'm helping, in some small way at least.
And of course, keep up the good work!
schedule
January 22, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Poor Yukiko was never suited to physical combat, LOL! I never understood how her fan kept coming back to her...
Yeah, but anyways, great chapter again. Cliffhanger looms...noooo! Now I'm way too curious about Naoto, and agonizing over the wait I know will be there until we get to her chapter! You've set everything up very well so far, so you can count on my continued input! (As a side not, you are missing a 'so' in one of Yukiko's sentences, and you've spelled Amagi-san wrong in one instance. I believe there's another mistake close between those two, but that's it, no plot complaints this time.)
Keep it up!
Yeah, but anyways, great chapter again. Cliffhanger looms...noooo! Now I'm way too curious about Naoto, and agonizing over the wait I know will be there until we get to her chapter! You've set everything up very well so far, so you can count on my continued input! (As a side not, you are missing a 'so' in one of Yukiko's sentences, and you've spelled Amagi-san wrong in one instance. I believe there's another mistake close between those two, but that's it, no plot complaints this time.)
Keep it up!
schedule
January 21, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Hmm.
Lots of questions were raised this time, but seeing as how they're to be answered in later chapters, I'll get into it in more detail then. This chapter was just as good as the others, though--forgive me if I'm being presumptuous--don't think you absolutely need to upload a chapter every day if you don't want to. It felt like a lot of stuff could be added to this chapter, but again, it's not really a complaint, so I apologize if you feel I didn't need to bring it up.
Some things were explained though, and I'm curious as to what has been trying to break apart the unbreakable bonds of the MAX SL's. It does give some credibility to the entity though if it went after the ones with the most potential to hinder it first, so I look forward to your explanations in later chapters. Chie's explanation was a bit...yeah...but whatever, I suppose it wasn't the biggest thing in the world so you don't need to stress over it.
Another great job and another impressive upload. Thanks for continuing to share you vision with us, and so quickly! I hope Souji's there for Naoto! Don't be a stereotypical male Souji! Help her! Don't hesitate!! (Kinda ironic considering I'm a guy myself, but I know how a lot of men are perceived and written, so that's where that came from.)
Kudos to you!
Lots of questions were raised this time, but seeing as how they're to be answered in later chapters, I'll get into it in more detail then. This chapter was just as good as the others, though--forgive me if I'm being presumptuous--don't think you absolutely need to upload a chapter every day if you don't want to. It felt like a lot of stuff could be added to this chapter, but again, it's not really a complaint, so I apologize if you feel I didn't need to bring it up.
Some things were explained though, and I'm curious as to what has been trying to break apart the unbreakable bonds of the MAX SL's. It does give some credibility to the entity though if it went after the ones with the most potential to hinder it first, so I look forward to your explanations in later chapters. Chie's explanation was a bit...yeah...but whatever, I suppose it wasn't the biggest thing in the world so you don't need to stress over it.
Another great job and another impressive upload. Thanks for continuing to share you vision with us, and so quickly! I hope Souji's there for Naoto! Don't be a stereotypical male Souji! Help her! Don't hesitate!! (Kinda ironic considering I'm a guy myself, but I know how a lot of men are perceived and written, so that's where that came from.)
Kudos to you!
schedule
January 19, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Wonderful story. The characters are well written and so enjoyable. ^___^ I can't wait for more.
schedule
January 19, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Spectacular! I honestly can't complain about pretty much anything in this chapter, though being a writer of fight-scenes myself, I can't help but think Izanagi's awesomeness was thoroughly ignored, and the fight scene could have been stretched out a bit longer. On that note, I don't think it's a bad thing to use the -dyne descriptive for attacks. I noticed your hesitance to name the attacks in any degree of detail, so I'll say my bit and say I don't think it's bad to use the attack names from the game to their fullest. I'm pretty sure anyone who reads a fanfic about Persona 4 would have played the game, so I think you're safe to do that, LOL!
Your explanations pacified me completely this time, and I'm glad to see the thought you've put into everything. Stagnation is something very possible in a backwater town, believe me, I know! It makes sense, just as Naoki was worried about during the Hanged Man SL. He had to take action, not stagnate, and that was what I instantly related a good deal of this chapter to. It also explains the lack of evolution in their Personas, something that had been bothering me for a while. Excellent job, and I'm happy to see the romance budding in characters other than the favorite of Souji and Naoto, though I'll be honest when I say I can't wait for theirs progress further. Now I can't help but wonder about all the others too, so you can count on my continued input! I hope I'm being helpful.
Also, I'm blown away by the speed of your uploads! Thank you so much! I love reading and to see a great work updated DAILY just kinda blows me away. I hope your passion for this story doesn't diminish until its over!
Your explanations pacified me completely this time, and I'm glad to see the thought you've put into everything. Stagnation is something very possible in a backwater town, believe me, I know! It makes sense, just as Naoki was worried about during the Hanged Man SL. He had to take action, not stagnate, and that was what I instantly related a good deal of this chapter to. It also explains the lack of evolution in their Personas, something that had been bothering me for a while. Excellent job, and I'm happy to see the romance budding in characters other than the favorite of Souji and Naoto, though I'll be honest when I say I can't wait for theirs progress further. Now I can't help but wonder about all the others too, so you can count on my continued input! I hope I'm being helpful.
Also, I'm blown away by the speed of your uploads! Thank you so much! I love reading and to see a great work updated DAILY just kinda blows me away. I hope your passion for this story doesn't diminish until its over!