schedule
August 21, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Well. This is actually a very strong character-based story. You write Felix and Karst beautifully, dealing with their characters honestly, without smoothing over their very rough edges. In that way making them all the more compelling and likable.
The trouble is... Well, it seems nearly every fic on AFF.net falls into one of two categories: (1)brainless, plot-less, mind-rotting smut, and (2)basically good stories with smut pasted onto them like a crude bumper sticker on a luxury car. Much better to be in category (2) than category (1), but the point remains, everything worthwhile about this story would be just as effective if you removed the two sex scenes. They serve no true point to the story other than to draw in people looking for cheap smut.
Basically: This story would be positively outstanding if it weren't for the sex scenes. The sex scenes are actually very well written, especially the way you work the characterizations into them, but they're just not needed.
The trouble is... Well, it seems nearly every fic on AFF.net falls into one of two categories: (1)brainless, plot-less, mind-rotting smut, and (2)basically good stories with smut pasted onto them like a crude bumper sticker on a luxury car. Much better to be in category (2) than category (1), but the point remains, everything worthwhile about this story would be just as effective if you removed the two sex scenes. They serve no true point to the story other than to draw in people looking for cheap smut.
Basically: This story would be positively outstanding if it weren't for the sex scenes. The sex scenes are actually very well written, especially the way you work the characterizations into them, but they're just not needed.
schedule
November 24, 2008 at 12:00 AM
As you asked, so I review.
Part 1: Issac seems to be trying to cope with his forced marriage best he can, considering what he had to give up (Even more so if my alt end has anything to say about it ;) ), Felix seems a bit too calm though, but perhaps Issac explained what happened? Jenna's still all about herself, as we can see. I doubt she'd leave Issac, being obsessed with people's opinions of her, sadly for my Mudshipping side.
Part 2: Good, but as it's borrowed, it doesn't seem to fit as well with your writing style, but that's just my opinion.
I don't tend to follow Duskshipping, but your writing in Perfect Bait was good enough to make me follow the rest of this, as well as your prequel idea for Alex/Mia. (While before, I wasn't as much of a fan of how you portrayed Mia, I like it a bit more now, as she's more of a sex connoisseur, if I may, she enjoys it, but she also wants her partner(s) to enjoy it as well, with the exception of Jenna.
I'm going to have to get started on my Alt ending for Perfect Bait soon.
Part 1: Issac seems to be trying to cope with his forced marriage best he can, considering what he had to give up (Even more so if my alt end has anything to say about it ;) ), Felix seems a bit too calm though, but perhaps Issac explained what happened? Jenna's still all about herself, as we can see. I doubt she'd leave Issac, being obsessed with people's opinions of her, sadly for my Mudshipping side.
Part 2: Good, but as it's borrowed, it doesn't seem to fit as well with your writing style, but that's just my opinion.
I don't tend to follow Duskshipping, but your writing in Perfect Bait was good enough to make me follow the rest of this, as well as your prequel idea for Alex/Mia. (While before, I wasn't as much of a fan of how you portrayed Mia, I like it a bit more now, as she's more of a sex connoisseur, if I may, she enjoys it, but she also wants her partner(s) to enjoy it as well, with the exception of Jenna.
I'm going to have to get started on my Alt ending for Perfect Bait soon.