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August 11, 2008 at 12:00 AM
These following symbols will become your best friends: . , Also, the shift key, which is located under your capslock and enter keys are VERY useful when a spoken sentence begins! :D Hard to enjoy a story that has potential when I actually have to pause and go "wait did that sentence end or is it still going??" 3/5
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July 13, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Ch. One:
Your fic thus far is reminiscent of the Halo genre, and it places one immediately into it's realm. I like the idea of your OC Sakura, tell me, is it merely a coincidence that she is named Sakura or were you inspired by Naruto? Overall I would suggest placing more paragraphs to separate your lines, and perhaps being more in depth in regards towards Sakura's and Keye's relationship? For I wish to know more. All the 'militant terms' are well placed, and in actuality I can pick out pieces of dialogue word for word or almost word for word that occurred or paralelled streams of dialogue in halo 3.
Your fic thus far is reminiscent of the Halo genre, and it places one immediately into it's realm. I like the idea of your OC Sakura, tell me, is it merely a coincidence that she is named Sakura or were you inspired by Naruto? Overall I would suggest placing more paragraphs to separate your lines, and perhaps being more in depth in regards towards Sakura's and Keye's relationship? For I wish to know more. All the 'militant terms' are well placed, and in actuality I can pick out pieces of dialogue word for word or almost word for word that occurred or paralelled streams of dialogue in halo 3.
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July 13, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Ch.2
Guilty spark is a pompous ass, lol... I could easily see this as a graphic novel....
The line you wrote when Chief blasted that grunt with his shotgun was a good visual. Sakura seems to be well intergrated into your story, it felt that were she to become tangible in some form, she would have been fucking Miranda Keyes instead of Cortana, just by that part when Miranda blew her a kiss >D. I appreciated how you built her character more, and not only her personality but the reasoning behind it.
Guilty spark is a pompous ass, lol... I could easily see this as a graphic novel....
The line you wrote when Chief blasted that grunt with his shotgun was a good visual. Sakura seems to be well intergrated into your story, it felt that were she to become tangible in some form, she would have been fucking Miranda Keyes instead of Cortana, just by that part when Miranda blew her a kiss >D. I appreciated how you built her character more, and not only her personality but the reasoning behind it.
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July 13, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Ch.3
So far this is your best chapter. The ending had great closure, your whole explanation of more intelligent A.I's and mentally inferior A.I's was very fascinating, especially the snippets regarding how a mentally superior A.I. selfdestructs itself by the balooning of it's own intelligence and how it is in the nature of a less intelligent A.I. to become insubordinate. I agree that Sakura would immediately latch onto Cortana considering her vast similarities to Miranda Keyes. They mesh well together, and I find myself anticipating the actual scene... *there needs to be more yuri's on this site.. >3 . . *
So far this is your best chapter. The ending had great closure, your whole explanation of more intelligent A.I's and mentally inferior A.I's was very fascinating, especially the snippets regarding how a mentally superior A.I. selfdestructs itself by the balooning of it's own intelligence and how it is in the nature of a less intelligent A.I. to become insubordinate. I agree that Sakura would immediately latch onto Cortana considering her vast similarities to Miranda Keyes. They mesh well together, and I find myself anticipating the actual scene... *there needs to be more yuri's on this site.. >3 . . *
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July 13, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Ch.Four
Even more descriptions of the A.I's and their counterparts
Ooh.. nice visuals wth the sex scene... too bad they didn't taste each other's pussy though. Oh well. I wonder later on where you're going with this, since this was the intial scene right?
Even more descriptions of the A.I's and their counterparts
Ooh.. nice visuals wth the sex scene... too bad they didn't taste each other's pussy though. Oh well. I wonder later on where you're going with this, since this was the intial scene right?
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July 13, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Ch.5 It's unfortunate that there will be only one chapter after this . . .This chapter was well written, I like the fact that you used the similes in comparing their sexual actions to a 'sonnet' or the 'notes in a symphony'. Post soon.
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March 3, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Awesome!
I like how it ties unobtrusively into the games' storylines. Oh, and the fact that it's a yuri Cortana lemon. :D
I like how it ties unobtrusively into the games' storylines. Oh, and the fact that it's a yuri Cortana lemon. :D
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January 6, 2008 at 12:00 AM
good start so far. cant wait for the rest keep up the good work.
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January 1, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I hope you update soon. A yuri fic with Cortana? What could be better?
Poor Sakura on Chapter 2, hope things get better! Update soon!
Poor Sakura on Chapter 2, hope things get better! Update soon!
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December 29, 2007 at 12:00 AM
My thory would be that. John/Chief Goes to Hight charity to save cortana, then to Halo installion 04, activate halo, then the chief and arb take a warthog to the Dawnn. Half the ship is ripped off. Chief goes to cyro And Sakura meets Cortana and Do it.Just one question is Sakura a Lesbian A.I? keep up the good work.