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August 6, 2008 at 12:00 AM
This is a very interesting fanfiction and I can't wait to see where you take it next. Please update soon.
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July 24, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Holy shit! love this! it is an interesting pairing... no one i'd think tto use. interesting ideas as to ancestry but one problem: timeline, the timeline of the game suggests that TP occurs several hundred years after "Knil" dies, also i didnt get the feeling that TP link was all that attracted to Zelda, i felt he was more attracted to malon (with the possible exeption of Midna at the end of the game when she is human)
LOL I challenge you to a (human)Midna/Link at the minimum, at max (h)Midna/Link/Zelda/(insert character here) CANNOT BE PWP!
LOL I challenge you to a (human)Midna/Link at the minimum, at max (h)Midna/Link/Zelda/(insert character here) CANNOT BE PWP!
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June 6, 2008 at 12:00 AM
It's been two months since your last update now :( ... let us know how you are getting on with the next part even if you haven't got much done.
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April 27, 2008 at 12:00 AM
hi it's me i just wanted to say thank you for putting me in the spotlight *blush*, i have been busy and didn't like where my story was going so that's why i took it off. but this one should be better and i hope you will once again read and review it. also don't take off anything in this story it's fine the way it is.
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April 24, 2008 at 12:00 AM
sorry for taking so long but i got a few problem with my pc at the moment so i'm trying to fix it so like that it will work great for the translation of the fic^^
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April 20, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Nice. Can't wait for the next chapter.
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April 11, 2008 at 12:00 AM
great work again and for the translation no problem i'll get on it right away and after each chapter ill send it to you so you can put it on the site so that way it will be all yours ^^ keep up the great work and if there is a way for you to contact me by email please do so
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April 11, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Wow wow wow! Another extremley well-crafted and enjoyable chapter, with one of the best-written lemon scenes I've read in quite a while! The way Knil's dark-side came out slightly in the love scene was interesting, and your descriptions there were oh-so good. As usual, it is nearing perfection but there a couple of criticisms I'd like to make, nit-picks of course but things that to me need polishing slightly:
1. I found it a little disjointed after their steamy kiss at the start how they almost instantly went straight into joking around and eating like nothing had happened. I didn't seem like they were still buzzing from that very passionate moment or that any further yearnings were there, judging by how they went straight into the feast. I think this can be rectified quite easily though, with maybe just a few transitioning lines about their feelings; (regretting that they couldn't continue intimacies and trying to hold off their urges for now until after dinner, those kind of things).
2. I thought the climax to the love-making was a little bit abrupt. Everything up to that point was perfect so don't change a word until the last few lines. Again I think it only would need a line or too fix it, and again I think it all it needs is a little more emotion-injecting - I don't think there are any emotive words at all in the climax paragraph (the one starting with 'She was close to the edge he could feel it..'). It just needs more descriptions of feelings and sensations, the cliche 'rising heat' and 'waves of pleasure' type-stuff but hopefully you could do something a bit more fresh and personal. Also, if you could link the climax in with the Knil's darker side stuff it would tie-up that section perfectly.
3. Also, not really a fan of the almost comedy ending. The pregnancy thing had to be touched on certainly in some way (maybe not necessarily in this chapter), but I thought both these things didn't really suit the mood of the chapter as a whole and that a nice romantic moment would have been a much more appropriate end (ending it as they fall asleep in each other's arms, or Knil waking up in morning and watching the beautiful Malon sleep - two possible alternatives.)
I think the general consensus from me is just more feelings; we need to hear about these more and more as their relationship develops otherwise we are not going to believe in their love or not become as attached to them as we otherwise might have. Again, you don't have to listen to my comments so if you think all that was B.S. that's fine :)
And don't worry about regular posting... I don't think any of us want you to rush your work or feel pressured and have it turn out not as good as you (and we) hoped. Excellent stuff as usual, keep it up :)
1. I found it a little disjointed after their steamy kiss at the start how they almost instantly went straight into joking around and eating like nothing had happened. I didn't seem like they were still buzzing from that very passionate moment or that any further yearnings were there, judging by how they went straight into the feast. I think this can be rectified quite easily though, with maybe just a few transitioning lines about their feelings; (regretting that they couldn't continue intimacies and trying to hold off their urges for now until after dinner, those kind of things).
2. I thought the climax to the love-making was a little bit abrupt. Everything up to that point was perfect so don't change a word until the last few lines. Again I think it only would need a line or too fix it, and again I think it all it needs is a little more emotion-injecting - I don't think there are any emotive words at all in the climax paragraph (the one starting with 'She was close to the edge he could feel it..'). It just needs more descriptions of feelings and sensations, the cliche 'rising heat' and 'waves of pleasure' type-stuff but hopefully you could do something a bit more fresh and personal. Also, if you could link the climax in with the Knil's darker side stuff it would tie-up that section perfectly.
3. Also, not really a fan of the almost comedy ending. The pregnancy thing had to be touched on certainly in some way (maybe not necessarily in this chapter), but I thought both these things didn't really suit the mood of the chapter as a whole and that a nice romantic moment would have been a much more appropriate end (ending it as they fall asleep in each other's arms, or Knil waking up in morning and watching the beautiful Malon sleep - two possible alternatives.)
I think the general consensus from me is just more feelings; we need to hear about these more and more as their relationship develops otherwise we are not going to believe in their love or not become as attached to them as we otherwise might have. Again, you don't have to listen to my comments so if you think all that was B.S. that's fine :)
And don't worry about regular posting... I don't think any of us want you to rush your work or feel pressured and have it turn out not as good as you (and we) hoped. Excellent stuff as usual, keep it up :)
schedule
April 7, 2008 at 12:00 AM
lol sorry had the wrong pen name written
man im blown away at your writing seriously i'm new to this world and planning on writing my own fic but i need advice and you are the first on that i find writing like that there is suspens intrigue love and interest even if they don't seem to want to admit it to each other i'm starting to wonder if i'm not gonna translate your fic in french for sure the story would be all yours lol well can't wait for the next chapter seriously bud keep writing you're realy inspiring and i really like the part where malon puts the two gerrudo's back in place
man im blown away at your writing seriously i'm new to this world and planning on writing my own fic but i need advice and you are the first on that i find writing like that there is suspens intrigue love and interest even if they don't seem to want to admit it to each other i'm starting to wonder if i'm not gonna translate your fic in french for sure the story would be all yours lol well can't wait for the next chapter seriously bud keep writing you're realy inspiring and i really like the part where malon puts the two gerrudo's back in place
schedule
April 6, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I enjoyed the edit, definitley addressed my criticisms well.
A lot of authors are too proud or attached to their stories to make edits based on suggestions, but I'm glad you are not one of them. I feel special to have helped out too :)
Can't wait until your next chapter, it's getting a bit hot n' heavy!
A lot of authors are too proud or attached to their stories to make edits based on suggestions, but I'm glad you are not one of them. I feel special to have helped out too :)
Can't wait until your next chapter, it's getting a bit hot n' heavy!