rate_review Reviews

Finally figured out how to register and leave a review, yeesh, you definitely deserve them....this story as with basically all your others is head and shoulders (and various other body parts best left unsaid) above the rest, wow. Granted, chicks with dicks isn't Shakespeare, but you give more character to the cast of Suikoden then the games themselves...Subala and Lun's roughneck accents come through clearly, even Jeane's slow, seductive, speech has a voice you can almost hear. The sentence structure and narrative changes are all good and it's never confusing, and only a few grammatical problems I notice which are probably my personal preference if anything....actually I guess this sounds more like proofreading than reviewing, never mind.

Anyways, you write the most engaging stories I find on here, the sex comes off as a part of the characters themselves, not men and women being built up and then they going through generic sex, but being defined during the acts themselves, if that makes sense? A very fun read, without a doubt.

Hehe, thanks for your comprehensive comment, JACE! You're absolutely right that the story was in need of a proofread and it has now been updated. The worst part is, I already fixed some of the Roog/Rahal confusion before! I had a lot of trouble mixing them up.

Throughout the entire story each character is believably portrayed based
on their appearance and appeal in the game.
Lun & Jeane being very straight forward and naughty, Viki & Fuyo abit shy yet curious,
Lorelai independent and pending, Roog & Rahal always standby and
Subala just plain wild and somewhat awkward.

The wrap up is epic and excessively cummy! In a good way.
Such a long chapter without nothing but oral cock penetration and the mandatory load
of messy cumshots. I love the increased amount of spunk and number of releases in your
later stories. Perhaps it's on the verge of being ridiculous but what do we know about
the suikoden world and their people? It's just fictional anyway.

Naturally my favourite part is Fuyo getting showered and also Lun's determined
milking of Lorelai's and Viki's members. Lun actually appear to be the most
experienced participant of the bunch even surpassing Jeane.
Perhaps her mother has tutored her? :P This story has really opened my eyes to
Viki and Lorelai and on a larger scale also futa. I still just can't seem to get them
dickgirls right though. :/

You tend to mix up the character's names every now and then in your stories
and I'd suggest that you read the later parts involving Rahal and Roog because there
are a few mix-ups going on. Towards the end with Lun in the picture I couldn't tell if
Fuyo's boyfriend was Rahal or Roog. It's a minor issue but should probably be corrected.

***

Went back and looked for them and came up with these examples:

"Anything for Rahal. And Fuyo, you too," said Rahal (not sure of this one though?)

A fire burned inside Rahal, watching the cum-splattered Fuyo, who turned her cute, round eyes towards him,
already a mess of sperm and expecting more from him. The only way to quench the fire was to splash her,
and he wanted nothing more than to add his load to the white splashes over Rahal's beautiful lover.

"Lun! You look... incredible!" exclaimed Rahal, taking in the sight of his sexy
girlfriend plastered with spooge.


***

Excellent story all in all! Too bad it has come to and end. I'll surely be reading it every
now and then for inspiration. Thanks for sharing!

Lots and lots of fucking here, which I admit isn't always my thing, but it's done skillfully enough (to say the very least). Of course I'm completely on board with all the futanari and I'm happy to see some Subala/Lun even if they aren't exclusive.

My only real criticism is that sometimes it's difficult to figure out who's doing what to who, especially in the Subala/Lun/Roog threesome early in chapter four. Then again, that could just be a failure of my imagination.

Damn, I could really get behind Lun if you know what I mean.

This must be the first time I've ever seen spooge-hairstyling, ever.

I'm honestly amused, in a very good way.

Chapter 5: The Lun/Roog/Rahal/Subala foursome is so hot and nicely detailed though the position where they're all piling up is almost comical. Nice messy finish however and from what I remember Subala still has at least one load to go.. so do Viki and Lorelai? I'd really like to see what will become of Jeane and Fuyo's intercourse. Perhaps they're waiting for someone to catch up? I'm glad you picked it up again and I will be even happier if you continue in a not too distant future!
All the best pal!

Thanks again for the reviews. Unfortunately, it might take a while again for the next chapter. The amount of details might vary from the chapter to chapter depending on what I want to focus on and also my mood when writing. The amount of dialogue I have noted by myself, but it's good to have it pointed out separately. Now I might remember to focus on dialogue a little more.

Great chapter! I look forward to the next!

Did you write this chapter before or after you read my review? Because the detail definitely increased in part 4. I love all the little things you put into your stories, like the scene when Viki and Lorelei are going at it, and you describe how their, shall we say, new anatomy is flopping up and down. Stuff like that really adds to the entire story. A little more dialog between the characters would be good, but that's just a personal preference.