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December 9, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Hope the next fan fic would be kasumi!
schedule
June 8, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Good, very good. Kasumi next please.... and hey, drop me an email if your still writing this.
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March 17, 2008 at 12:00 AM
God knows anything with Hitomi gives me a boner. I liked the way this was written, no doubts about that, and I have this story bookmarked for future boners.
However, I do believe in concrit, and I'm not going to waste anyone's time with how much I love this story.
If you don't have a beta reader, you should probably get one. There were a few grammatical incorrections throughout the story, as well as sentence errors that made it slightly distracting. Obviously, it's not so serious that my eyes bled and I gave up reading altogether, but betas do come in handy if you want to write something decent -- even if it's just smut.
This next thing is just a personal peeve of mine, but the constant "Slrrp"s and "Slcch"s kind of distracts me from the fic itself. I don't like hearing vag farts irl, and I don't like reading vag farts in fanfiction. (Or queefs or squishies or whatever you want to call them.)
Annnd as for the next chapter? I think you should write about Kokoro. She's a geisha in training, after all. It'd be interesting.
Mayu being involved in this would be some kinda hot stuff, too.
Cheers.
However, I do believe in concrit, and I'm not going to waste anyone's time with how much I love this story.
If you don't have a beta reader, you should probably get one. There were a few grammatical incorrections throughout the story, as well as sentence errors that made it slightly distracting. Obviously, it's not so serious that my eyes bled and I gave up reading altogether, but betas do come in handy if you want to write something decent -- even if it's just smut.
This next thing is just a personal peeve of mine, but the constant "Slrrp"s and "Slcch"s kind of distracts me from the fic itself. I don't like hearing vag farts irl, and I don't like reading vag farts in fanfiction. (Or queefs or squishies or whatever you want to call them.)
Annnd as for the next chapter? I think you should write about Kokoro. She's a geisha in training, after all. It'd be interesting.
Mayu being involved in this would be some kinda hot stuff, too.
Cheers.
schedule
March 12, 2008 at 12:00 AM
This fanfic is so wicked awesome. By reading it, It made my whole day great. I got to wait for the other girls.
schedule
March 12, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Great chapter! Maybe next you could do a double with Lei Fang and Kokoro.
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March 10, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Wow, that was simply amazing. You really did Hitomi justice in this chapter. Everything you wrote was so descriptive and your grasp of vocabulary was impressive. I can't wait to see what the odd tatoo that formed on her was. The wait was sure worth it. I can't wait until you start your third chapter with Kasumi and might I recommend Kokoro for Lilium's next victim?
schedule
March 10, 2008 at 12:00 AM
O.o....
That. Was frigging hot. Update soon, okay?
That. Was frigging hot. Update soon, okay?
schedule
October 23, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Awesome story, and I can't wait for more!
You've GOT to do Christie next!
You've GOT to do Christie next!
schedule
October 23, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Hey, just wondering if you were still planning on continuing this story. If not, mind if I take my hand at it, kind of like what you did with the original author? i was actually planning a while ago to make a story just like this, with crossovers out the ass, but I didn't want to completely plagarize him and you, so when I saw what you had already written, I decided not to. Let me know!
schedule
October 7, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Hi very nice story, I enjoyed reading it very much. I would say that Lisa should be the next victim. I also have some Ideas and suggestions, would you be so kind to add an email address to your profile, as I would like to discuss a few of my ideas with you.
If you want you could also drop me a mail and i'd get back to you with my idea. My e-mail dress is palmbi@hotmail.co.uk hope to hear from you soon.
Thnaks again for a fantastic story (First Chapter).
If you want you could also drop me a mail and i'd get back to you with my idea. My e-mail dress is palmbi@hotmail.co.uk hope to hear from you soon.
Thnaks again for a fantastic story (First Chapter).