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March 27, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Nice to see more chaps (16+17). Good stuff. I really enjoy the complete domination of Lara and her training into a perfect sex slave while still remaining angry and obstinate. The case is very sexy. I usually do not enjoy such elaborate bondage where the hardware seems to become more important then the sex, but in this case you described it well while remaining very visceral about it which makes the whole thing very sexy. Again, the complete control over Lara, turning her own physical prowess towards making her a better slave is great. For anyone who says the tech is comic-booky, Lara lives in that sort of world. Hope to see more. Keep her in ever increasing bondage, do not be tempted to let her escape. We read to see her dominated.
SailorNemesis
SailorNemesis
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March 23, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Damn!
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March 22, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Nice! Hot stuff.
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January 27, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Reviewing a story like this isn't easy as it's has its ups and downs.
I think you went just a little too far with Lara's last 'Cat' encounter. Gordo's forcing Lara to drink sperm like went too far towards breaking her.
However, I do like the humiliation factor you got going here.
To be honest, the first couple of chapters were the best; I especially liked how Gordo's captured Lara.
It would be nice to see Lara going on a new mission of some kind. Mr. Everest could make the request and Gordo could provide Lara her gear.)
Here a brief plot outline....
Mr. Everest promises Lara her freedom if she can steal, _________ artifact. Gordo is sent with Lara to assist her.
An outfit composed of Body Paint, which is not water /sweat proof. And black leather accessories. (Belt, gloves, boots)
A public plane ride to get to the location, with Gordo coming along for the ride with plenty of toys.
Gordo gets to set up a reward and punishment for Lara success or failure during her mission.
Mr. Everest tipping off the guards that Lara is attempting to steal the item.
Lara is captured or attempt to escape a trap but can’t with Gordo’s help.
Gordo helps Lara escape, in return for whatever he wants.
Of course, this is just a suggestion. It's your story and you can write it any way you like.
I think you went just a little too far with Lara's last 'Cat' encounter. Gordo's forcing Lara to drink sperm like went too far towards breaking her.
However, I do like the humiliation factor you got going here.
To be honest, the first couple of chapters were the best; I especially liked how Gordo's captured Lara.
It would be nice to see Lara going on a new mission of some kind. Mr. Everest could make the request and Gordo could provide Lara her gear.)
Here a brief plot outline....
Mr. Everest promises Lara her freedom if she can steal, _________ artifact. Gordo is sent with Lara to assist her.
An outfit composed of Body Paint, which is not water /sweat proof. And black leather accessories. (Belt, gloves, boots)
A public plane ride to get to the location, with Gordo coming along for the ride with plenty of toys.
Gordo gets to set up a reward and punishment for Lara success or failure during her mission.
Mr. Everest tipping off the guards that Lara is attempting to steal the item.
Lara is captured or attempt to escape a trap but can’t with Gordo’s help.
Gordo helps Lara escape, in return for whatever he wants.
Of course, this is just a suggestion. It's your story and you can write it any way you like.
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January 24, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Very nice, I loved Lara insulting Gordo by saying the machine was better :D . The scene where she tries to get him to cum to get him off the phone was very hot. Looking forward to Lara starting to fight back, and to see if things could get any more humiliating for her.
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December 29, 2009 at 12:00 AM
I know I've already reviewed this story a bunch of times, and am now bordering on the stalkerish (lol), but here's my reconsidered thoughts after having read almost all 14 chapters - The best scene was the end of part 5 'hmmm...power' when: "Lara hissed in excruciating pain, and struggled to form words. Seeing this, Gordo, thumb the vibrator off.
"you want to say something?" he asked, smiling sweetly
"...th...that...all you ...got?...f...fuck...er..."
Gordo's face went taut. Gagging Lara, he thumbed the vibrator to full capacity again, relishing in his victim's evident pain. Not stopping there, he started to pummel her crotch with the paddle, each strike hammering onto the end of the bulge in her pants.
Little by little, the last two inches of the vibrator was nailed into Lara, spearing her past her cervix and into her belly. Her convulsions continued for a few seconds after her shorts finally lost the bulge, after which her capacity for enduring pain finally gave out, and she slid into blissful unconciousness".
Totally awesome scene - I like how you protray Lara's fighting spirit and how Gordo smiles sweetly, then gets pissed off and his face tautens - great imagery!
I'd like to see you go back to the bad-ass Lara of these early chapters, instead of having her as she is now - i.e. a little too compliant.
Ideas for future chapters: maybe Lara should have some knowledge that Everest wants to get out of her (think information re. relics or tresure her father uncovered then hid from his old mate because he thought he'd put it to the wrong use) - so Everest's motivation is to get the information out of Lara; and he uses water-boarding, and other methods of coercion to do so.
"you want to say something?" he asked, smiling sweetly
"...th...that...all you ...got?...f...fuck...er..."
Gordo's face went taut. Gagging Lara, he thumbed the vibrator to full capacity again, relishing in his victim's evident pain. Not stopping there, he started to pummel her crotch with the paddle, each strike hammering onto the end of the bulge in her pants.
Little by little, the last two inches of the vibrator was nailed into Lara, spearing her past her cervix and into her belly. Her convulsions continued for a few seconds after her shorts finally lost the bulge, after which her capacity for enduring pain finally gave out, and she slid into blissful unconciousness".
Totally awesome scene - I like how you protray Lara's fighting spirit and how Gordo smiles sweetly, then gets pissed off and his face tautens - great imagery!
I'd like to see you go back to the bad-ass Lara of these early chapters, instead of having her as she is now - i.e. a little too compliant.
Ideas for future chapters: maybe Lara should have some knowledge that Everest wants to get out of her (think information re. relics or tresure her father uncovered then hid from his old mate because he thought he'd put it to the wrong use) - so Everest's motivation is to get the information out of Lara; and he uses water-boarding, and other methods of coercion to do so.
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December 3, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Nice chapter! Introducing Everest to the story is a great idea, and should allow you to open up the plot-line and put Lara in some new situations.
Also your prose style is great. It really has a harsh edge about it (in a good way that adds to the realism of the non-con sex) - it kind of takes Lara out of her cartoonish-videogame context and makes her seem a lot more like a real character, with a lot of contradicting feelings about what's happening to her.
My only critiques are: some of the narrative/dialogue needs tidying up, and I'd like to hear Lara's voice a little more often. Give her some one-liners - it's what she's famous for.
Other than that, great work - I can't wait to see where you take this.
Also your prose style is great. It really has a harsh edge about it (in a good way that adds to the realism of the non-con sex) - it kind of takes Lara out of her cartoonish-videogame context and makes her seem a lot more like a real character, with a lot of contradicting feelings about what's happening to her.
My only critiques are: some of the narrative/dialogue needs tidying up, and I'd like to hear Lara's voice a little more often. Give her some one-liners - it's what she's famous for.
Other than that, great work - I can't wait to see where you take this.
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September 30, 2009 at 12:00 AM
nice nice you know part of me wants to cash you for waiting so long but idc to much im kinda with you being lazy so i understand how you feel so i wont be a hypocrit
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August 20, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Man i read ur lara story.Its very good.The blackmailing thing was awesome.
But i think you should put a lot of anal sex for lara as she has a fine butt..
But i think you should put a lot of anal sex for lara as she has a fine butt..
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July 21, 2009 at 12:00 AM
nice work morbid. Your characterisation of Lara/Gordo is still a strong-point, although intoducing a few new characters wouldn't be a bad thing either - just to freshen things up a bit - maybe even try writing a character who isn't just sadistic scum. As for your writing style: yeah, there are a few repeated sentence structures in your story, but your vocab is good, and I think most writers have issues with varying grammar, even some published novelists - all this elegant variation bs is overrated anyway. One thing I'd recommend for the sex scenes however is that you focus more on the sex and less on the torture. Maybe this is just personal preference but all the pain and humiliation you put Lara through is a bit much, and although it's pretty interesting to read, it's just not my cup of tea as far as adult fan fiction goes. And by the way, as a Brit myself I can assure you that the metric isn't catching on over here - most of the time we just use imperial like you yanks, so feel free to assail Lara with as many 8 inch dicks as you like. 5/5