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March 27, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I'm loving the way you're portraying Phoenix and Edgeworth. The gentle comedy (well, apart from the panda bit...that was anything but gentle, I laughed like a drain) is a really nice touch, and their whole relationship (or non relationship) is very sweet without being all sickly "OMG SQUEEE GIRLY MEN". They're in character, they're both still strong, self-assured and masculine, and they're downright lovely when you write about them :). Edgeworth's biting sarcasm is really delicious, when poor Phoenix is trying to show off his pecs ;P.
The way you're starting to bring a more sinister tone into the Edgeworth/Gant stuff on the first section about them works well, but the line about cock being Edgeworth's master seemed unecessarily cheesy to me, as well as dreadfully cliche for a story with a D/s undertone to it. It doesn't really fit with your otherwise very elegant prose, imo. Maybe it'd work better if it was more clearly expressed as just Gant's opinion, rather than as certain truth? I feel it fits in with his vision of Edgeworth, but not the way Edgeworth actually is, if you see what I mean.
I didn't think the move to the darker section was too jarring, since the change in time and setting helped it along, as well as the earlier hints of things getting a bit more nasty. Gant's dirty talk was also incredibly sexy...although I never thought I'd say that until I read your fic :P. I'm not generally a fan of yaoi, beyond the odd pairing (Phoenix/Edgeworth for example) but your work is smoking hot, and your writing style is excellent, especially for erotica. You have a fantastic way of pacing sentences.
The ending was somewhat unexpected, but I liked it. While the Gant/Edgeworth stuff is good, it's great that there's now a plausible way for him to get with Phoenix in a less platonic way. A good sexing should cheer him up, I reckon :P!
Seriously though, the way you're weaving the light, comic stuff in with the darker exploration of the character's minds is really good, and you're clearly a skilled writer and not just another random fangirl churning out generic boy love porn. I also like the way you're balancing plot and erotica - neither is getting in the way of the other too much, and it's just as thought-provoking as it is arousing.
I can't wait for the next chapter. Keep up the good work!
The way you're starting to bring a more sinister tone into the Edgeworth/Gant stuff on the first section about them works well, but the line about cock being Edgeworth's master seemed unecessarily cheesy to me, as well as dreadfully cliche for a story with a D/s undertone to it. It doesn't really fit with your otherwise very elegant prose, imo. Maybe it'd work better if it was more clearly expressed as just Gant's opinion, rather than as certain truth? I feel it fits in with his vision of Edgeworth, but not the way Edgeworth actually is, if you see what I mean.
I didn't think the move to the darker section was too jarring, since the change in time and setting helped it along, as well as the earlier hints of things getting a bit more nasty. Gant's dirty talk was also incredibly sexy...although I never thought I'd say that until I read your fic :P. I'm not generally a fan of yaoi, beyond the odd pairing (Phoenix/Edgeworth for example) but your work is smoking hot, and your writing style is excellent, especially for erotica. You have a fantastic way of pacing sentences.
The ending was somewhat unexpected, but I liked it. While the Gant/Edgeworth stuff is good, it's great that there's now a plausible way for him to get with Phoenix in a less platonic way. A good sexing should cheer him up, I reckon :P!
Seriously though, the way you're weaving the light, comic stuff in with the darker exploration of the character's minds is really good, and you're clearly a skilled writer and not just another random fangirl churning out generic boy love porn. I also like the way you're balancing plot and erotica - neither is getting in the way of the other too much, and it's just as thought-provoking as it is arousing.
I can't wait for the next chapter. Keep up the good work!
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March 27, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Awww, Phoenix. *laugh* Too cute. I liked the turn the story took, Gant is so deliciously dangerous. And this fic is so deliciously dirty. I can't wait to find out what happens next. :O
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March 24, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I like the fact you've woven some plot in there without it getting in the way of the erotic elements of the story. The way you deal with Gant and Edgeworth's relationship is interesting, and you keep them fairly in character imo. It's good that you don't just turn Edgeworth purely into a submissive little slut, it's boring when writers do that. I can't really think of much to criticise, except maybe that the chapters were a bit short for my tastes. Overall, excellent, please keep writing :).
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March 16, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Awww Phoenix misses Edgeworth :( I'm really hoping for a Wright/Edgeworth ending here ^_^
I look forward to the next chapter *camps out at the story and waits*
I look forward to the next chapter *camps out at the story and waits*
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March 10, 2007 at 12:00 AM
... Oh wow. That was definitely great. The way you worded the second chapter between Phoenix and Miles? I enjoyed how simple it was. It added more to the story, I think.
You definitely have my attention.
You definitely have my attention.
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March 7, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Well jeez, THAT was a real downer of a chapter wrap-up. I guess I'll just have to squirm impatiently until you get around to writing another chapter....
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March 6, 2007 at 12:00 AM
awwww so sad for Phoenix :( I hope things turn out better for him in the end.
Such an awesome story. Thanks for posting another chapter ^_^ I'm looking forward to the next
Such an awesome story. Thanks for posting another chapter ^_^ I'm looking forward to the next
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February 5, 2007 at 12:00 AM
A Von Karma/Edgeworth fic ...
I was thinking about writing one. Maybe after I finish off this one.
I'm not sure I'd make it full-blown rape, though.
By the way. You'll probably love the last chapter of this fic ... XD
I was thinking about writing one. Maybe after I finish off this one.
I'm not sure I'd make it full-blown rape, though.
By the way. You'll probably love the last chapter of this fic ... XD
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February 5, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Hahaha, I'm all impatient to read more now. XD I'd point people in the direction of this fic, but I don't know anyone else who plays Phoenix Wright. x_X Grrr.
If you go ahead with the Von Karma/Edgeworth one, you'll have my support! World needs less Phoenix/Edgey stuff, even though I like the pairing, it's everywhere. Greedy Nick.
Edgey needs to be whored out to more people, dammit.
If you go ahead with the Von Karma/Edgeworth one, you'll have my support! World needs less Phoenix/Edgey stuff, even though I like the pairing, it's everywhere. Greedy Nick.
Edgey needs to be whored out to more people, dammit.
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February 3, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Please continue! This was very well written and pretty damn hot. Not to mention, it's nice to see Edgeworth with someone other then Phoenix, and as an uke to boot! Edgey is most definitely an uke boy...to like, everyone in the game. =D
Off topic a little, does anyone know any von Karma/Edgeworth non-con fics? I've been nosing around for that pairing but came up with nothing. =(
Off topic a little, does anyone know any von Karma/Edgeworth non-con fics? I've been nosing around for that pairing but came up with nothing. =(