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October 1, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Just read chapter 1 so far. This is good, a bit hilarious with the anachronisms. And, yeah, I don't believe the whole thing about 6" being the average. My reasons for believing that this number is wrong are based on my own body, which is remarkably BELOW average in everything else but above the so-called average "there". Yeah...I was curious so I measured one time after masturbating *blush*. It was about 7" fully erect, which considering my physique makes the muscles supporting it among the strongest in my body. So yeah...
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October 1, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Okay...really bad. As of chapter 2, we have...MISSPELLINGS ALL OVER THE PLACE!!! And consistent ones that make me think you actually don't know how to spell "beorc", "Greil", or "Geoffrey". (Haar was also misspelled, but only once, and I think it was spelled correctly in chapter 1.) But seriously...your constant use of "Beroic" for "beorc" absolutely infuriates me. (And, yes, it does not need to be capitalized.)
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October 1, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Yeah, I like the Ike/Lethe pairing. And that was funny. "Thanks for pointing out I misspellings"...comical grammar, sounds like a non-native speaker. Silly.
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October 1, 2008 at 12:00 AM
This was obviously written before Radiant dawn came out, otherwise you'd know what happens to laguz that mate with beorc...and I'm pretty sure there's no jewel on Soren's forehead, only the Brand. It's closer to a tattoo, really.
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October 1, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Again, I'm liking the Lethe/Ike pairing. And nice job mentioning Lethe's sister.
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October 1, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Ah, must have missed that part. Lyre is a playable character in Radiant Dawn, but she and Lethe are actually twins. Sanaki's also playable, but she's still just a kid three years later (I think she was probably only 10 or so in PoR), and she uses magic, not swords.
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August 18, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Very nice, except it's Beorc, not Beroic. And I don't know if it was spelled incorrectly but it is Laguz. I enjoy the sensuality and the story behind it is well made. Keep up the good work.
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August 6, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Boyd is mentioned as being with Ike and back at the base. Other than that, good job.
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June 22, 2007 at 12:00 AM
This is really bad. You say you're married? You should be old enough to know how to spell, if not how to write. The characters are barely in character, and the whole thing seems very unnatural.
3/10
3/10
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June 19, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Nephenee somewhat ooc but still some solid writing.