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June 18, 2008 at 12:00 AM
and the plot thinkens.
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January 14, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Nice keep writting please
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December 31, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I hope you continue please. :)
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December 30, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Dude first of all HOLY SHIT TAHT WAS AWSOME....... But you should make his dick bigger. Like put in some where that the orb made his dick grow.... anywhere above 7in. is acceptable. I only say dis b/c when I was 13 I had an 8in. boner, so it may be that some of the women who read this might not want to read if his dick is too small. Now don't get mad it's just an opinion...... but let that sit for awhile and please please please!!! write another chapter!! :0)
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December 5, 2006 at 12:00 AM
That was fucking good titty fucking is one of the best i think more ASAP
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November 9, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Well that was nice?
Continue soon I whant too see where this is going...
Continue soon I whant too see where this is going...
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October 29, 2006 at 12:00 AM
A very promising start, although some ooc from sora its fine. I'm surprised sora so willingly follows a strange voice...but then again he always was a bit gulible. Anyway looking forward to another, hopfully a bit longer chapter.
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October 19, 2006 at 12:00 AM
it's good to see that someone has't written another yaoi fic. it's not that yaoi is bad for kh (i just steer clear of it all together) it's just that theres maybe too much of it and we need stories like this to balance things out.
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October 16, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Spell check it.
Grammar check it. "you are irritable to women" is almost certainly not what you meant in that sentence. If English isn't your first language, get a beta reader.
Sora is OOC, at the very least because of the swearing and cursing.
And why is a minor in a bar without being questioned?
Grammar check it. "you are irritable to women" is almost certainly not what you meant in that sentence. If English isn't your first language, get a beta reader.
Sora is OOC, at the very least because of the swearing and cursing.
And why is a minor in a bar without being questioned?
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October 15, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Holy shit.
More. There needs to be more striaght stuff and less shitty yaoi here anyway.
More. There needs to be more striaght stuff and less shitty yaoi here anyway.