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October 17, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Really excellent story, I absolutely love it and enjoy reading it. James is a difficult character to write because he's not very reflective outwardly. I think you've done a superb job of expanding upon the somewhat limited characters the game provided and really taken them to a different depth.
A few constructive criticisms though, you might want to carefully read over it again for small points of congruity. Like you mentioned that they threw their shoes away as they returned home, but then later James takes his shoes off as he sits down on the mattress. Also, when a character is delivering a monologue that contains several paragraphs, you don't close the qoutation marks until the end of the speech, but you do still leave them at the beginning of each paragraph. Hmm and I think you had a small error with a word at the very end of this chapter (the second, if the review thing doesn't specify) that the word "review" was used when I think you meant something else. Anyway, little things like that. I love it and am grateful to you for writing.
A few constructive criticisms though, you might want to carefully read over it again for small points of congruity. Like you mentioned that they threw their shoes away as they returned home, but then later James takes his shoes off as he sits down on the mattress. Also, when a character is delivering a monologue that contains several paragraphs, you don't close the qoutation marks until the end of the speech, but you do still leave them at the beginning of each paragraph. Hmm and I think you had a small error with a word at the very end of this chapter (the second, if the review thing doesn't specify) that the word "review" was used when I think you meant something else. Anyway, little things like that. I love it and am grateful to you for writing.
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October 17, 2006 at 12:00 AM
absolutly amazing, and very griping can't wait to read more, please update soon.
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October 15, 2006 at 12:00 AM
oh please mighty chaosdreamer please have mercy and update your wonderful story so we, your readers can marvel at how wonderful your stories are. i know i'm wierd but i love yor story ijust dont want you to give up on it. its sooooooooooooooo good. so please update for i will keep coming toreview every time you update.^_^
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October 10, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I like the protrayal of Valtiel in you fic. I know you kinda compared him with mine, but I stick strictly to SH3 version of him. I like this new direction really, its kinda creepy sexy--like Walter. Nice intro to pryamid head as well--strangely tender. The kiss was hot--nice job over all. ;)
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October 9, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Left a review on shslash. *____* I'm mightily impressed with your writing, and the story. Can't wait for more!
Toodles~
~the seph
Toodles~
~the seph
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October 8, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I like Valtiel's method of relieving stress. *lol*
That bit of gore he made, so vivid and crunchy. Very nice visual imagery.
That bit of gore he made, so vivid and crunchy. Very nice visual imagery.
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October 8, 2006 at 12:00 AM
yay number 4 is up and all is right in the word of silent hill. (meaning the killing) love it and cant wait for more.
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October 8, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Wonderful! I loved Valtiel's form. I can't wait for the next part. Keep it up and update soon!
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October 6, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Wow...I loved this chapter. I've recently finished Silent Hill 2, and I thoroughly enjoy how you portray James.
I noticed a few small mistakes; thought I should indicate them in case you're interested:
"He had drove for almost twenty-four hours straight." This should be, "He had driven. . . ."
"And James was now falling through the leather, being pulled down into the realm that the hands had originally risen from." Grammatically, this should be, "...down into the realm from which the hands had originally risen," but it's a minor detail. Your call.
All in all, it's beautiful writing-- scary and sexy. It's very easy to feel for James, and you really have a knack for getting into his mind. I'm eagerly awaiting chapter four!
I noticed a few small mistakes; thought I should indicate them in case you're interested:
"He had drove for almost twenty-four hours straight." This should be, "He had driven. . . ."
"And James was now falling through the leather, being pulled down into the realm that the hands had originally risen from." Grammatically, this should be, "...down into the realm from which the hands had originally risen," but it's a minor detail. Your call.
All in all, it's beautiful writing-- scary and sexy. It's very easy to feel for James, and you really have a knack for getting into his mind. I'm eagerly awaiting chapter four!
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October 5, 2006 at 12:00 AM
YAY you updated i'm soooooooooo happy. please update soon senn i'll be gone all this weekend.tears T_T