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October 4, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Ah...So this is the collab fic I've heard so much about. Ladies, wonderful job. Although the first chapter was a bit detailed, it was a fun read.
The second chapter...I was a bit confused about the two Adas until I read further into it, and the a/n of the 4th chapter. It is a bit risky of an idea, but I think the two of you know what you are doing.
~James
The second chapter...I was a bit confused about the two Adas until I read further into it, and the a/n of the 4th chapter. It is a bit risky of an idea, but I think the two of you know what you are doing.
~James
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October 4, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I cannot beleive that person came in here to bitch about both of your works when by far it is an interesting and fun read.
If this is not the place to have fun and spread your wings to write and enjoy your fandom I dont know what.
In all fairness she did initially like it but I'm just shaking my head at the negativity.
As for your works, I look forward to the rest of the installments you two come up with.
If this is not the place to have fun and spread your wings to write and enjoy your fandom I dont know what.
In all fairness she did initially like it but I'm just shaking my head at the negativity.
As for your works, I look forward to the rest of the installments you two come up with.
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October 4, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Very nice. :D I did notice a few grammar mistakes in there that kind of interrupted the flow of things, such as "feeling her voluptuous breasts pressed tightly to his". Tightly to his what? He doesn't have voluptuous breasts so the sentence doesn't make sense.
Aside from that, it had all the usual, high quality goodies that you normally produce. :)
- V's friend
Aside from that, it had all the usual, high quality goodies that you normally produce. :)
- V's friend
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October 2, 2006 at 12:00 AM
well using the word 'nigger' in a story is offensive unless one is writing a story between two black people joking with each other as they do in real life. I saw Maiafys review board as I was curoius and saw she was harassed for writing 'hick' so i understand why people got offended too. As for how she wrote 'hick' I'm not sure as I didnt bother. (shrug)
Story so far very fun to read, I didnt have a problem with it or got lost anywhwere.
Story so far very fun to read, I didnt have a problem with it or got lost anywhwere.
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October 2, 2006 at 12:00 AM
the story and pov changing wasnt really that difficult to understand, ive seen a heck of a lot worse in some stories to the point where it was almost impossible to read. T_T maybe if you read it over again it will become a bit clearer to recognise the pov changes :)
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October 2, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Hey that was a nice fic! It's an awesome read that's easy to get through at the same time. XD I especially love your action scenes that totally kick ass! I hope to read more from you soon! *thumbs up*
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October 2, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Writing this over again, since I deleted the last two reviews. I realize this is a parody now, so I will adjust my criticism accordingly. There was no warning for parody BTW...just to let you know. This is why I was a little harsh with my advice. I do like some descriptions, the music aspect was nice, as well as the scene settings and action--a little adverb heavy at times, but if thats the style you want, then don't change it. If you want to switch POV, then go ahead. However, doing it in the same "paragraph" or even seperating the paragraphs with no astradisk can get confusing.
The issue with Dick was a preference...but the repetitive use is what I noticed the most. But hey, whatever floats your boat. You want to use Dick--then use dick. And while I'm on that subject...yes I realize this is adult fanfiction, but your genre states many other subjects besides the obvious--it gave me the impression that there was a bit more substance to the plot besides sex. I misunderstood that--so apologies for writing a critique that was not necessary. I assume sometimes authors write for the hopes to be published someday (I do) so this is why I try to give constructive criticism. I see it was unwanted...so I won't bother reviewing again.
On a side note: I find it intriguing that everyone "suddenly" reviewed just to flame me. I'm wondering where you all came from actually. No one bothered to defend my work when people berated me( aside from "Rare")--I just find that...interesting.
Oh, William birkin, the word hick was in an author note's--since one of the characters was very southeren. The person took it as I called all southeren people hicks. I know you really don't care, but figured I would let you know anyway.
The issue with Dick was a preference...but the repetitive use is what I noticed the most. But hey, whatever floats your boat. You want to use Dick--then use dick. And while I'm on that subject...yes I realize this is adult fanfiction, but your genre states many other subjects besides the obvious--it gave me the impression that there was a bit more substance to the plot besides sex. I misunderstood that--so apologies for writing a critique that was not necessary. I assume sometimes authors write for the hopes to be published someday (I do) so this is why I try to give constructive criticism. I see it was unwanted...so I won't bother reviewing again.
On a side note: I find it intriguing that everyone "suddenly" reviewed just to flame me. I'm wondering where you all came from actually. No one bothered to defend my work when people berated me( aside from "Rare")--I just find that...interesting.
Oh, William birkin, the word hick was in an author note's--since one of the characters was very southeren. The person took it as I called all southeren people hicks. I know you really don't care, but figured I would let you know anyway.
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October 2, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Maiafay, no one was really flaming you unless you count those off color remarks from that anon user. You stated your opinion, and others are speaking up to say theirs. If you want to talk about flames, I can bring up a lovely hate mail I received from someone telling me, in the simplest terms, that I sucked and shouldn't even be writing.
Forgive Pandora and me for not clearly marking that this fic was a parody...However, to some degree, I think we are slowly evolving away from our original idea of having a parody fic and instead creating something a little more.
Forgive Pandora and me for not clearly marking that this fic was a parody...However, to some degree, I think we are slowly evolving away from our original idea of having a parody fic and instead creating something a little more.
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October 2, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Very good read. I have just finished the first chapter and I can say I was getting a little "hot and bothered."
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October 2, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Just finished Chapter 3. I am pretty much only reading V's parts since I like her work. Nice transition from the sexual back to the action. Good stuff. Cannot wait for more.