schedule
December 30, 2009 at 12:00 AM
It's a shame this story's (apparently) been abandoned. It's really, really well done.
A more "alpha" Freyjadour is a great twist on the character, and you write the new personality to great effect. You resisted the obvious route of just having him cut a swath of sex throughout Suikoden V's numerous attractive females, and instead have him show a little bit of deliberation and self-control. His relationship with Lyon is perfectly represented, and the supporting characters all get a little bit of "screen" time. Most enjoyable. You also have on your hands one of the best Frey/Arshtat "action" scenes in existence. Its payoff is well worth the paced build-up.
There are some things I didn't like, however. The fic seemed to overextend itself with the introduction of Viki's time-teleportation. Did we really need Freyjadour traveling to each of the other Suikoden games? Lazlo, Riou, and Tir would have been better represented in their own stories, however short or long those might have been, and it seems like you were more interested in getting an idea out of your head and into writing than in continuing and concluding Freyjadour's sexcapades. Speaking of Viki, between the "funstick" line and the elephant thong silliness, I didn't like her characterization at all. She came off as unintelligent, to put it kindly. Lastly, I also thought Jeane's characterization was a little strange, with the random bit of aggression she showed to Kyle being unwarranted. I was also let down that you avoided what could have been an epic pairing in Freyjadour and Jeane. You seemed to hint at its inevitability a few times, but never went anywhere with it.
But those are minor quibbles. Excellent stuff. It's a shame this will lay dormant. It really does deserve a revisitation, a tightened focus, and a conclusion... preferably with a thoroughly-fucked Jeane somewhere along the way.
5/5.
A more "alpha" Freyjadour is a great twist on the character, and you write the new personality to great effect. You resisted the obvious route of just having him cut a swath of sex throughout Suikoden V's numerous attractive females, and instead have him show a little bit of deliberation and self-control. His relationship with Lyon is perfectly represented, and the supporting characters all get a little bit of "screen" time. Most enjoyable. You also have on your hands one of the best Frey/Arshtat "action" scenes in existence. Its payoff is well worth the paced build-up.
There are some things I didn't like, however. The fic seemed to overextend itself with the introduction of Viki's time-teleportation. Did we really need Freyjadour traveling to each of the other Suikoden games? Lazlo, Riou, and Tir would have been better represented in their own stories, however short or long those might have been, and it seems like you were more interested in getting an idea out of your head and into writing than in continuing and concluding Freyjadour's sexcapades. Speaking of Viki, between the "funstick" line and the elephant thong silliness, I didn't like her characterization at all. She came off as unintelligent, to put it kindly. Lastly, I also thought Jeane's characterization was a little strange, with the random bit of aggression she showed to Kyle being unwarranted. I was also let down that you avoided what could have been an epic pairing in Freyjadour and Jeane. You seemed to hint at its inevitability a few times, but never went anywhere with it.
But those are minor quibbles. Excellent stuff. It's a shame this will lay dormant. It really does deserve a revisitation, a tightened focus, and a conclusion... preferably with a thoroughly-fucked Jeane somewhere along the way.
5/5.
schedule
October 1, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Will this story be continued.
schedule
July 23, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I hope this story starts up again
schedule
May 10, 2007 at 12:00 AM
good story and great sex, bit fast moving in the story line through. keep up the good work.
schedule
May 9, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I hope you start writing again soon.This story is so massive that I'd hate to see it not continue.
schedule
April 19, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Whatever happen to the Prince/Sialeeds flashback
schedule
April 13, 2007 at 12:00 AM
you're doing a great job. I can't wait to read the next chapter hope you're able to write it soon.
schedule
April 6, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Broke my frellin fibula today playing soccer....I know that would hardly preclude me from being able to type but I'm sooo not in the mood for it.
schedule
April 6, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Man that sucks man I hope it's not to bad. I completely understand if you don't feel like typing. Take all the time you need.
schedule
April 5, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I'm looking forward to seeing more of your Tir and what has made him the way he is I can't wait to see his backstory. I was going to suggest that you might get more comments if you make it where readers can make them without logging in. Of course then you might get some that spam with one line or one word or users that comment under more than just one name.