rate_review Reviews

Nice story, man that would be tragic to have happen: your friend being murdered and the murderer rapes you....

That was depressing! ;o;

Sorry, but this one wasn't done very well. No, this wasn't good...

Oh Jesus christ.

What were you thinking when you wrote this fic? I mean, I love the idea...

But this is firstly, much too fast.

Secondly, it's pretty obvious you're a virgin.

Thirdly, follow the advice and get rid of "meatpole."

Fourthly, rape does not make one horny. Sora would not be getting hard no matter what Xemnas was doing to his cock.

Try reading some of the other fics in here, to help you lengthen and develop the story rather than...well, this.

Oh. One more thing. Sora can call the Keyblade if it gets knocked away from him.

Find another way for him to be without weapons. Maybe a dark barrier or something. Or have his hands tied.

Not bad, Not bad at all. ...Man... Poor Sora, ow.

You have some good ideas, but you'll really increase your readership if you break things up out of long paragraphs.

A proof-reader going though and fixing some the the grammerical things would polish things up nicley.

And I'm so looking forward to Riku's turn. : 3

Thanks to everybody for their comments.Clthomas,thanks for pointing out some of the errors in my writing.As I said,this was my first fanfic,and I can be quite crude at times.I know that I'm not a very good writer,but I have to try.So thanks for the suggestions and critiques! I am also taking a break from actual writing to think up of new ideas for future stories and to get a sense of how to write an adult fanfic properly.

That hurt me, and not in the good way. First off please never use "meatpole' again, it makes me laugh hard and I can take the rest seriously. Second, splooge is another word not to use, it is another funny word that will lose the audience. Thirdly, tool while effective if used right was not a good word choice for this story. Lastly, triple penitration is not humanly possible unless all of the men are the size of pencils and even then the possions that they would have to get into to do it don't work well. Also you moved way to quicklly, but done fear you are not the only person who can get their passing down, their are some very good writters that move way to slowly for me, just before you go writing any more fanfics please read more of them so you can get a better grasp of the language and words you should be using. I hope that these comments help you to become a better writter.

You, good sir, are a virgin. As a side note, I'm mystified as to how you managed to misspell Xemnas' name throughout the entirety of the fic.

It was promising at first but why didn't you write the lemon into the first chapter?
But I want more so make sure you write it okay!?!
Also is it going to be multiple Xemnas x Sora? b/c that would rule...
Seriously write it!!!