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April 26, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Someone has already said this a lot better than I will, but I promised myself I'd review instead of ignoring it when a story slides downhill, if only because how much I like getting reviews that let me know when *my* writing is slipping. This isn't meant as an attack, just some CC.
This story started out great. Your writing was wonderful, the characters were interresting, and I enjoyed how they interacted. However, once you reached the scene with Kairi attacking Sora with the stone, things started to, well, feel off. In the game, Kairi never felt to me like someone who could do that. And while her Nobody, Namine, did hurt Sora in CoM, she was manipulated(at least in my opinion) into doing so. The trial also felt weird and hastily constructed. I know it took a while in the story, but it still felt rushed and unresearched.
As for the ending...to be blunt, it stunk. After everything that happened, it felt completely wrong that Riku, Sora, and Kairi would instantly become friends again. The Kairi you created here was bitter, judgemental, and blind. You can't change that so quickly, and expect it to feel real. Some slow movement towards fixing things would have been a better read, but not the 'eat the fruit and everything's fine' method that you used. Honestly, everything on that front was okay until they ate the fruit. After that it seemed like all their probelms with each other disappeared, and you wanted us readers to think all was right in the world again. It's not. There's still Riku's parents who want to plan his life out for him, his father who came off as extremely homophobic, Kairi's parents who strongly disliked, perhaps even hated, Sora and what he represents, etc. You left a lot of threads hanging. I didn't expect them all to be resolved, but some more clues as to how things were going to go would have been nice.
One last thing that bothered me were the pairings. You stuck the Cloud/Seph on at the end, and I don't understand *why*. You had a wonderful potential Cloud/Aerith built up, and in less than one chapter, you killed it. I can't wrap my mind around why. If you like Cloud/Seph, you could have written another story with them, instead of shoving it in. Here it just feels tacked on because you like the idea of the pairing, not because they were actually intrested in each other. This story also drove home to me why I'm beginning to despise Riku/Sora so damn much. A lot of this has to do with me and how happy I was that I found a story that gave me the impression that it wouldn't end with Riku/Sora, but it also has to do with the wasted chance for character development. Leon(Squall) forced his father to get him and the others tickets to the island, came up with a plan to bring Sora home, and went to the islands because he loves him; and now he's standing aside and letting Sora and Riku hook up. In FF8, Squall went to the end of the world and back for Rinoa, and stuck with her through thick and thin, and you want be to believe he would just stand aside? I can't. Maybe it's just my wishful thinking, but I don't get the impression that Squall would have backed down as easily as he did. You had the potential for some interesting developments here, but they were wasted. Despite the fact that Riku/Sora is overdone and approaching boring, I would have accepted it better if you hadn't wasted all the potential character development your story provided.
Reading back through this, I realize it can sound harsh, but I promised myself that I would review instead of ignore, especially when a story has so much wasted potential like this one does.
This story started out great. Your writing was wonderful, the characters were interresting, and I enjoyed how they interacted. However, once you reached the scene with Kairi attacking Sora with the stone, things started to, well, feel off. In the game, Kairi never felt to me like someone who could do that. And while her Nobody, Namine, did hurt Sora in CoM, she was manipulated(at least in my opinion) into doing so. The trial also felt weird and hastily constructed. I know it took a while in the story, but it still felt rushed and unresearched.
As for the ending...to be blunt, it stunk. After everything that happened, it felt completely wrong that Riku, Sora, and Kairi would instantly become friends again. The Kairi you created here was bitter, judgemental, and blind. You can't change that so quickly, and expect it to feel real. Some slow movement towards fixing things would have been a better read, but not the 'eat the fruit and everything's fine' method that you used. Honestly, everything on that front was okay until they ate the fruit. After that it seemed like all their probelms with each other disappeared, and you wanted us readers to think all was right in the world again. It's not. There's still Riku's parents who want to plan his life out for him, his father who came off as extremely homophobic, Kairi's parents who strongly disliked, perhaps even hated, Sora and what he represents, etc. You left a lot of threads hanging. I didn't expect them all to be resolved, but some more clues as to how things were going to go would have been nice.
One last thing that bothered me were the pairings. You stuck the Cloud/Seph on at the end, and I don't understand *why*. You had a wonderful potential Cloud/Aerith built up, and in less than one chapter, you killed it. I can't wrap my mind around why. If you like Cloud/Seph, you could have written another story with them, instead of shoving it in. Here it just feels tacked on because you like the idea of the pairing, not because they were actually intrested in each other. This story also drove home to me why I'm beginning to despise Riku/Sora so damn much. A lot of this has to do with me and how happy I was that I found a story that gave me the impression that it wouldn't end with Riku/Sora, but it also has to do with the wasted chance for character development. Leon(Squall) forced his father to get him and the others tickets to the island, came up with a plan to bring Sora home, and went to the islands because he loves him; and now he's standing aside and letting Sora and Riku hook up. In FF8, Squall went to the end of the world and back for Rinoa, and stuck with her through thick and thin, and you want be to believe he would just stand aside? I can't. Maybe it's just my wishful thinking, but I don't get the impression that Squall would have backed down as easily as he did. You had the potential for some interesting developments here, but they were wasted. Despite the fact that Riku/Sora is overdone and approaching boring, I would have accepted it better if you hadn't wasted all the potential character development your story provided.
Reading back through this, I realize it can sound harsh, but I promised myself that I would review instead of ignore, especially when a story has so much wasted potential like this one does.
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April 25, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Love the story absolutly love it. But fot the life of me i cant figure out why sora would wear a dress again and did you know that in your writing there are ?'s where there shouldnt be.
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April 24, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Congrads on finishing your fic.
While you had a GOOD start on this piece with only minor 'ifs' but passable. It really hurt seeing the last 5-6 chapters because your work presented itself from 'building plot-drama-surprise' to 'I want this done and over with.' and ended with 'GOD! It is done!...I don't care,whatever..' I believe some of the plot points could have had better execution, if not researched esp with the cilmax of the court case and the flow resolving between the triangle complex ( Riku,Sora, Leon). Maybe it was your plan all along and no, I'm not some fantasy dreamer flaming you for making a bittersweet ending.
In the end, perhaps I was given a more realistic outlook on how RL should not mesh with VG characters no matter how good it seems. I can say, you did change my outlook on one of my favorite pairings..but not in the most positive way..guess that's life, no?
While you had a GOOD start on this piece with only minor 'ifs' but passable. It really hurt seeing the last 5-6 chapters because your work presented itself from 'building plot-drama-surprise' to 'I want this done and over with.' and ended with 'GOD! It is done!...I don't care,whatever..' I believe some of the plot points could have had better execution, if not researched esp with the cilmax of the court case and the flow resolving between the triangle complex ( Riku,Sora, Leon). Maybe it was your plan all along and no, I'm not some fantasy dreamer flaming you for making a bittersweet ending.
In the end, perhaps I was given a more realistic outlook on how RL should not mesh with VG characters no matter how good it seems. I can say, you did change my outlook on one of my favorite pairings..but not in the most positive way..guess that's life, no?
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April 24, 2006 at 12:00 AM
That was a great ending! Really good story!
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April 22, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Will there be any sex before he series iis over?
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April 21, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I really like your story. Though I must say: it's one of the few that actually has me pissed of at Kairi. I understand her disposition but gawd darn it, she's IN THE WAY! Sora is so sweet for dropping the charges but GEEZ. I hope she totally gets her upcomings...
I can't wait to read more.
I can't wait to read more.
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April 19, 2006 at 12:00 AM
GAAAH you evil cliff hanger person!!
XD great chapter
XD great chapter
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April 19, 2006 at 12:00 AM
No....Why does it end with that chapter?????? Kairi needs to go to Cloud to learn how to deal with PTDS (When is Sephiroth gonna make a cameo? or Cecil? I love Setzer so I was happy).
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April 17, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Oh That was super good, I can't wait to see what happens next!