rate_review Reviews

Howdy~ I hope this finds you well. I just wanted to say I love your story! You are very inspirational writer and it's made me want to try again and write my own LOK fic. So Thank you!!

The latest cliff hanger is just plain brutal. 

On to introductions.  I am the book thief, and I've been a lurker enjoying this story for a while now.  I look forward to seeing the next bit. (that is really mean, two cliff-hangers in a row.  ARGH).

4th attempt to post a review. I just finished reading Chap. 47, several hours ago. There are few cases of using "flushed" where "fleshed" seems more likely what you intend. There are some homophone errors, such as using "bare" instead of "bear" and a few of the type of errors that I associate with mis-clicking on a Spellchecking Program. I'm putting my finished Chaps. of my first Fan-Fic (hopefully a novel which White Wolf will want to publish for profit--which would require its deletion from this site) under the title _Anathema, Enemies and Others_ should you or any of your readers care to give it a read.

I've just finished reading all the currently available chapters of this story (46 at this time). I'm quite impressed with the characterizations, the plot, and the detailed thought put into the structure of Vampire Society, Mores, Customs, Sexuality (with one another and human lovers) and Evolution. I do hope you continue the story. I've noted a few errors in word choice in previous reviews. I believe that some of these errors may occur from relying on computer spell checking too heavily. One proofing technique that might help is to have someone read you work, literally as written. to you sentence by sentence. When there is a problem your mind will hear it immediately. It is an interesting fact that all native speakers of a language have perfect understanding of their language's grammar--but very often cannot immediately access that innate knowledge when reading or writing, but instantly note errors when they are heard spoken. Give it a try. With practice you can get to the point where you can read a piece you've written out loud and listen to what your saying to catch most errors of grammar, word choice, tense agreement, etc.

chapter 33: "glutinous" refers to rice, bread or other carbohydrates; "gluttonous" refer to excessive voracious appetite,

You are consistently using the word "then" in place of the word "than" in places where "than" called for.

I can't wait until she meets lok characters! There are a few mistakes in grammar, but nothing serious. Katrina is quite believable, to much panic would have made do nothing but run into walls screaming, and thats not good. I hope you update soon!

Nakia

So far, the story doesn't actually contain any of the Legacy of Kain background/characters/world at all, as far as I can tell. Character is an obvious Mary Sue (though not a bad one,) if you're into that kind of thing.