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October 4, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Ah, Reverie. LOL That can be such a pain to work with. And then of course "sleeping" with their eyes open tends to throw another wrench into things... Damned elves. ;-)
This is a great story so far. I'm not usually one for slash (they're often out of character or just plain bad), but I'm curious to see how it's handled. This is one that has been very well done. It flows smoothly, it's believable, and it's enjoyable. I noticed a few errors, usually places where there were duplicate words or words left out, but overall it's very good writing. One little grammar nitpic: you often use "lay/laying" where it should be "lie/lying." Common mistake, but I figured I'd point it out in case you cared. =)
I have a knee-jerk reaction every time he thinks of Valen as a demon. I want to scream "tiefling!" It's not necessarily a bad thing or something I dislike about the story. It's just a reaction that comes from so much time writing a PC that often reminds Valen he's 3/4 human to help ease his mind. Mostly I'm just curious whether it's reflecting some kind of prejudice, or a reaction to Valen's suspicious attitude in the beginning, or something else. =)
Anyway... Bravo! I look forward to reading more.
This is a great story so far. I'm not usually one for slash (they're often out of character or just plain bad), but I'm curious to see how it's handled. This is one that has been very well done. It flows smoothly, it's believable, and it's enjoyable. I noticed a few errors, usually places where there were duplicate words or words left out, but overall it's very good writing. One little grammar nitpic: you often use "lay/laying" where it should be "lie/lying." Common mistake, but I figured I'd point it out in case you cared. =)
I have a knee-jerk reaction every time he thinks of Valen as a demon. I want to scream "tiefling!" It's not necessarily a bad thing or something I dislike about the story. It's just a reaction that comes from so much time writing a PC that often reminds Valen he's 3/4 human to help ease his mind. Mostly I'm just curious whether it's reflecting some kind of prejudice, or a reaction to Valen's suspicious attitude in the beginning, or something else. =)
Anyway... Bravo! I look forward to reading more.
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September 17, 2007 at 12:00 AM
After all this time, finally an update! You really have a talent for writing, most authors make me skip the battle scenes, creating them as dull and unimaginative. Yet yours were just perfect! I hope to read next chapter soon, a year is a really long time to wait. =3
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September 16, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Oh, good, Valen slash! I thought the whole Ch 2 battle was very well done, one of the better mage battles I've read. Keep up the good work.
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September 7, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Wah, I want to read more ;-;
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January 21, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Usually first person narrative repels me, but you really managed to pull it off. You've got a good narrator! I like your writing style and the emphasis on the fighting. Of course, having Valen as a love interest is the big bonus here. Looks like this story has plenty of wonderful potential. Please keep up the good work!
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January 13, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Great start! I'm suprised that noone did a Valen slash story before ;] but yours has something that will make it stand out even in mass of such fics. There were a few mistakes, mosty with sentence order, but other than that - it was fine. Hope you'll update soon :D