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December 3, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Ok...my turn to yell..why the bloody hell didn't you tell me you had posted another bloody chapter? The only reason I haven't been checking myself is because I can't bloody well live with the bloody well disappointment of there not being another bloody well chapter! And all this time there bloody well was?! You SUCK!
There, now onto the story...first, I have a hard time crytically analysing someones work. Simply because I don't know if what I think is the result of me being used to the the way that I would do things myself, (and the last thing I want to do is project that crap onto you!) so usually I prefer not to say anything at all. However, with your work, there has never been anything to look at closely because it's freaking spectacular. That's why I patiently wait for a chapter, I know it's going to be worth it. Can't rush a master and all that.
With this one though, I kept in mind your question at the beginning of the chapter where you asked if you should just shaft this and get to the juicy stuff. And at first, I admit that I was disappointed that you hadn't continued with the sexual tension that you had built in the last one because I fully expected a chapter of unbridled lust after the last one. Seriously, that was some pretty intense stuff...I loved it...so yeah, I was slightly deflated but your work being what it is, I just went with the flow because I knew that the chapter would be relevant and just simply fucking brilliant as it always is (scuse the french but I wanted to make that point stand out). And it was, by the time I had gotten to the part where they were in the bar chatting, there was no sexual tension but I was over the disappointment of that (which Ceald felt too so I kind of think that if that's what you had intended to happen, it worked) and I was as frustrated as Ceald was when he kept dropping little hints to the demon, i wished I was there to poke himin the ribs and tell him to be a bit bloody more obvious since Valen was infuriatingly not coming to the party. And THAT is what made this chapter so good...the frustration and even the desperation that Ceald displayed when he tried to make things happen with his little flirty things, and really, who hasn't experienced that before? So as usual, you nailed it and it was freaking brilliant. THEN...just when I thought that nothing was going to happen, and when Ceald thought nothing was going to happen as well and left, you made Valen come and grab him and I swear, your writing is so perfect that my heart jumped probably more than Ceald's did and in a flash, or less even, that sexual tension you had developed in the last chapter was back. I think that's what I like the most about your writing, your characters just drag the reader along and MAKE them feel what you want the reader to feel. It's bloody magic. So anyway. While I would like nothing more than to see Valen just rip his clothes off and have his wicked way with Ceald but do you know what? I think I'm enjoying the journey there a hell of a lot more and I think that the last thing you should do,is scrap the lead up. Even if it takes another ten chapters to get there, it's the story, you know?
And that brings me to the only thing that kinda disappointed me...which was how blantantly Valen came out and said "you and me eh?" or words to that effect. It kind of took the surprise out of things a little for me. I like that element of uncertainty that you had going, that of course led to that excrutiating sexual tension where we are all like, FUCKHIM! SHIT! RIP HIS GEAR OFF FOR THE LOVE OF CHOCOLATE! where Ceald was trying to figure out what was going on in Valen's head and second guess him, and where Valen was this hunk of raw sexuality that we could all see was chomping at the bit to maul Ceald, but Ceald wouldn't allow himself to believe it. But I had come to associate that dynamic as part of their attraction, that constant wondering...not sure that makes any sense. But I just wonder what's left to be revealed now that the chase is over, I mean of course, there's the mad bonking and that will be good I know, but then what? It just seemed that they went from not understanding what was going on and struggling to keep their sanity while lusting after each other's bones and 'wanting', to the 'beginnings' of a deeper understanding of each other as per the conversation in the bar to straight out, how's about it huh?
Like, I was disappointed that the chapter didn't start off with the tension that the last one left off with, but I have so much faith in your writing that I knew there would be a point and of course there was. The dialogue in the bar deepened everything between them, and then of course you managed to smack me in the head with a stiff dose of 'the tension' just before the end and it was bloody magic, im not joking when I say it was breath taking...literally... but when Valen kind of just spat out the you and me bit, for me, it kind of took the magic out of it, you know? Like...it took away the mystery and for me that was the basis of that excruciating tension you had going.
But then, I could be be just rambling and it really isn't such a big deal, seriously, I enjoyed the story as much as always, but if you had asked, that's the only thing I would like to see handled a little differently...or would like to see put off for a bit longer. I mean, they could still frot like furry animals and then Ceald could wake up the next day and think oh shit, *is* this a one night stand and kick himself for not sticking to all his little personal rules and boundaries and things... and then Valen would just go along oblivioiusly on his merry tiefling, big brawny and silent thing, secure in the fact that they were an 'item' and remaining confused as to why Ceald may act a little defensive or whatever, because of Ceald's tendency not to admit things to himself...mainly about the fact that he can't believe Valen is attracted to him. Anyway, email me if I haven't expressed myself clearly enough...you know what I'm like and how I need to be pked to get what's in my head onto paper sometimes. But I love your writing and your story. You seriously are brilliant.
There, now onto the story...first, I have a hard time crytically analysing someones work. Simply because I don't know if what I think is the result of me being used to the the way that I would do things myself, (and the last thing I want to do is project that crap onto you!) so usually I prefer not to say anything at all. However, with your work, there has never been anything to look at closely because it's freaking spectacular. That's why I patiently wait for a chapter, I know it's going to be worth it. Can't rush a master and all that.
With this one though, I kept in mind your question at the beginning of the chapter where you asked if you should just shaft this and get to the juicy stuff. And at first, I admit that I was disappointed that you hadn't continued with the sexual tension that you had built in the last one because I fully expected a chapter of unbridled lust after the last one. Seriously, that was some pretty intense stuff...I loved it...so yeah, I was slightly deflated but your work being what it is, I just went with the flow because I knew that the chapter would be relevant and just simply fucking brilliant as it always is (scuse the french but I wanted to make that point stand out). And it was, by the time I had gotten to the part where they were in the bar chatting, there was no sexual tension but I was over the disappointment of that (which Ceald felt too so I kind of think that if that's what you had intended to happen, it worked) and I was as frustrated as Ceald was when he kept dropping little hints to the demon, i wished I was there to poke himin the ribs and tell him to be a bit bloody more obvious since Valen was infuriatingly not coming to the party. And THAT is what made this chapter so good...the frustration and even the desperation that Ceald displayed when he tried to make things happen with his little flirty things, and really, who hasn't experienced that before? So as usual, you nailed it and it was freaking brilliant. THEN...just when I thought that nothing was going to happen, and when Ceald thought nothing was going to happen as well and left, you made Valen come and grab him and I swear, your writing is so perfect that my heart jumped probably more than Ceald's did and in a flash, or less even, that sexual tension you had developed in the last chapter was back. I think that's what I like the most about your writing, your characters just drag the reader along and MAKE them feel what you want the reader to feel. It's bloody magic. So anyway. While I would like nothing more than to see Valen just rip his clothes off and have his wicked way with Ceald but do you know what? I think I'm enjoying the journey there a hell of a lot more and I think that the last thing you should do,is scrap the lead up. Even if it takes another ten chapters to get there, it's the story, you know?
And that brings me to the only thing that kinda disappointed me...which was how blantantly Valen came out and said "you and me eh?" or words to that effect. It kind of took the surprise out of things a little for me. I like that element of uncertainty that you had going, that of course led to that excrutiating sexual tension where we are all like, FUCKHIM! SHIT! RIP HIS GEAR OFF FOR THE LOVE OF CHOCOLATE! where Ceald was trying to figure out what was going on in Valen's head and second guess him, and where Valen was this hunk of raw sexuality that we could all see was chomping at the bit to maul Ceald, but Ceald wouldn't allow himself to believe it. But I had come to associate that dynamic as part of their attraction, that constant wondering...not sure that makes any sense. But I just wonder what's left to be revealed now that the chase is over, I mean of course, there's the mad bonking and that will be good I know, but then what? It just seemed that they went from not understanding what was going on and struggling to keep their sanity while lusting after each other's bones and 'wanting', to the 'beginnings' of a deeper understanding of each other as per the conversation in the bar to straight out, how's about it huh?
Like, I was disappointed that the chapter didn't start off with the tension that the last one left off with, but I have so much faith in your writing that I knew there would be a point and of course there was. The dialogue in the bar deepened everything between them, and then of course you managed to smack me in the head with a stiff dose of 'the tension' just before the end and it was bloody magic, im not joking when I say it was breath taking...literally... but when Valen kind of just spat out the you and me bit, for me, it kind of took the magic out of it, you know? Like...it took away the mystery and for me that was the basis of that excruciating tension you had going.
But then, I could be be just rambling and it really isn't such a big deal, seriously, I enjoyed the story as much as always, but if you had asked, that's the only thing I would like to see handled a little differently...or would like to see put off for a bit longer. I mean, they could still frot like furry animals and then Ceald could wake up the next day and think oh shit, *is* this a one night stand and kick himself for not sticking to all his little personal rules and boundaries and things... and then Valen would just go along oblivioiusly on his merry tiefling, big brawny and silent thing, secure in the fact that they were an 'item' and remaining confused as to why Ceald may act a little defensive or whatever, because of Ceald's tendency not to admit things to himself...mainly about the fact that he can't believe Valen is attracted to him. Anyway, email me if I haven't expressed myself clearly enough...you know what I'm like and how I need to be pked to get what's in my head onto paper sometimes. But I love your writing and your story. You seriously are brilliant.
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December 3, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Ah, fantastic! Always happy to read a new chapter. I think that the changes you've made to the first part really helped pull it together; you maintained the rhythm of the story perfectly. I don't know if I've mentioned it, but if I haven't, here goes: the dialog in the opening section of chapter 4 is beautifully crafted. It really feels natural, and that is a feat that a lot of writers have trouble grasping. And the dialog in this new section is no exception, particularly the parts where Valen and Ceald converse in the tavern. Its that kind of well - crafted exchange of words that can reveal so much about the characters' personalities. The intensity and kind of cautious fragility that Valen displays is exactly the way that I perceived him to act, and the way you presented it was subtle and just right.
I must say, I'm looking forward to reading about the rest of their evening... *wink*
Please keep on writing, I know I'll be there to keep reading!
I must say, I'm looking forward to reading about the rest of their evening... *wink*
Please keep on writing, I know I'll be there to keep reading!
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December 3, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I am looking forward to the lemon. Though the idea of Valen going "Yes, my love?" every time you talk to him is somewhat humorous... *giggles*
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December 2, 2007 at 12:00 AM
WHY MUST THIS BE SO HOT.
I loved how you portrayed drow culture, and the fact that you didn't just drop the other important characters. Caeld is so damned real in his reactions and personality, and the shyness he has butts heads with his arrogance, and his sweetness, and he's just an all around good guy. I could very well see why Valen was drawn to him.
Think that glamor helped a bit, too...
I loved how you portrayed drow culture, and the fact that you didn't just drop the other important characters. Caeld is so damned real in his reactions and personality, and the shyness he has butts heads with his arrogance, and his sweetness, and he's just an all around good guy. I could very well see why Valen was drawn to him.
Think that glamor helped a bit, too...
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December 2, 2007 at 12:00 AM
OH WHAT A PLACE TO CUT OFF! Damn!! You had me right at the edge of the chair! *falls over* On the one hand, I was so hoping for smexy! On the other hand, their conversation is just so gorgeous, and the general descriptions of the party... All of it very endearing... Definitely good character building! *claps wildly*
The only critique I have at all, and it is probably my own ignorance... Is you let Valen slip into some short slang at times in this chapter (early in the bar scene) it's a more informal tone than he seems to usually have, even when relaxed? And a wee bit jarring. Maybe this shows him just being more laid back than usual, but I kind of miss his rather knightly/well-spoken way of talking from earlier chapters. Just a tiny thing, but it tickled my brain. Regardless! HUGE LOVE.
The only critique I have at all, and it is probably my own ignorance... Is you let Valen slip into some short slang at times in this chapter (early in the bar scene) it's a more informal tone than he seems to usually have, even when relaxed? And a wee bit jarring. Maybe this shows him just being more laid back than usual, but I kind of miss his rather knightly/well-spoken way of talking from earlier chapters. Just a tiny thing, but it tickled my brain. Regardless! HUGE LOVE.
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November 27, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Damn you! Update, and I mean NOW! xD For this kind of cliffhangers people should burn in hell! Seriously.
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November 27, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Sorry, that above was me, used my old name in the rush to review. But my opinion still stands. After such sensual piec of reading you've left me starving for more. And if it'll take another month or so to update - I'll surely die. Update soon, feed the poor Unseelie :<
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November 25, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Ah, wonderful! I'm so glad you've updated! And another fine addition it is. Feel free to focus on your character as much as you please; it is written from his perspective after all! It is the focus on detail and description that makes a story so much more alive, and taking time to flesh out more of Ceald's thoughts and personality can only add to that feeling. I also highly approve of your decision to make Valen more demon than man. It just adds to that sexy, mysterious, exotic thing he's got going on! I just have to comment on Ceald's little, uh, bathtub alone - time. Whoa. That disjointed sequence of images and thoughts, that was, that was, uh, quite engaging. *blushes* Oh! Oh! And I quote:
"'Arousing.' He growled as he said it, and I almost flinched at the thought that it sounded like he’d been about to tackle me to the floor."
Fantastic! That is some delicious sexual tension there! I just loved the visceral feel that little fragment evoked!
The only critique I could offer would concern some story balancing. You spent a large amount of effort describing the enchanted clothing that Ceald received, which, by itself is not an issue; only that later on I felt you gave a much more rushed accounting of the party itself. I was craving a much more detailed description of the party, the way the Drow decorated, who was wearing what kind of costume, perhaps more history on the celebration, and so on and so forth. I wanted more of that level of attention simply because that was what I had encountered earlier in the story. It's a small thing, really; I only felt that the flow of the story shifted too quickly for my tastes. So I would suggest either trimming some content from the beginning, or add some towards the end.
Ah, I look forward to reading the next chapter! And as far as Ceald's little 'predicament' goes... You can't rape the willing. O.o
Keep on writing; I know I'll keep on reading!
"'Arousing.' He growled as he said it, and I almost flinched at the thought that it sounded like he’d been about to tackle me to the floor."
Fantastic! That is some delicious sexual tension there! I just loved the visceral feel that little fragment evoked!
The only critique I could offer would concern some story balancing. You spent a large amount of effort describing the enchanted clothing that Ceald received, which, by itself is not an issue; only that later on I felt you gave a much more rushed accounting of the party itself. I was craving a much more detailed description of the party, the way the Drow decorated, who was wearing what kind of costume, perhaps more history on the celebration, and so on and so forth. I wanted more of that level of attention simply because that was what I had encountered earlier in the story. It's a small thing, really; I only felt that the flow of the story shifted too quickly for my tastes. So I would suggest either trimming some content from the beginning, or add some towards the end.
Ah, I look forward to reading the next chapter! And as far as Ceald's little 'predicament' goes... You can't rape the willing. O.o
Keep on writing; I know I'll keep on reading!
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November 24, 2007 at 12:00 AM
What is there to say? This chapter was brilliant as expected. My favorite parts were the absolutely adorable visual of Oerth in a pie dish and Nathyrra and Valen teasing Ceald. I liked how you were able to shift Nathyrra's personality without it seeming out of character. I also find it funny that she can kill a horde of people in unspeakable ways but watching a fairy dragon swallowing grosses her out.
Although..."Nathyrra seemed that I would even say it." You're missing a word here. And the mention of Deekin came as a surprise for me as he doesn't appear in previous chapters.
Closest thing to Japan in Faerun would be Kara Tur...I think.
Eagerly awaiting the next chapter. Ceald should be more careful walking around looking so yummy. You never know what might try to eat you.
Although..."Nathyrra seemed that I would even say it." You're missing a word here. And the mention of Deekin came as a surprise for me as he doesn't appear in previous chapters.
Closest thing to Japan in Faerun would be Kara Tur...I think.
Eagerly awaiting the next chapter. Ceald should be more careful walking around looking so yummy. You never know what might try to eat you.
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November 24, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I confess. I found this story by accident last week and I think I've read it through 5 times now. You've got the knack! I'm not really a D&D fan at all but I love the fluid way you tackled the battle scenes and also managed to work in some great back story hints/characterization while not getting bogged down. Ceald is adorably touchy while at the same time being a real bad-ass, especially for a mage :-D, instead of being easy to pigeon-hole he comes across as interesting and original! Here's hoping he gets his wish... a big hulking gorgeous weapons master to cuddle with as he recovers his strength. I hope they click without too much angst. I want to see more of them kicking ass together!And well... doing anything together ;-)