rate_review Reviews

Sweet, as always! ^^

And, infuriated!Soren is cute for some reason. I don't know why.

My poor Soren! He's going to break up with Ike so he can protect him! He's so loving!

I love this story and wonder when Soren will reveal his secret to Ike. So cute! Rhys was in perfect character. He acst the way I would expect him too.

And Mist the girl who always is confused, perfectly done. I can't wait for the next chapter! Please continue on!

*SQUEEEEEEEEE*

Okay, sorry. I just wuff Soren, though... ^_^ And Ike...

Anyway, the one thing that bugged me is that there's no mention of Rolf, though you've brought up all the other characters. Somehow, though, with Rolf's level of innocence, I can already see him saying "Well, being with him makes you happy, right? So what's wrong with it?" ...*Giggles like a schoolgirl at the image*

~Garlyle Wilds

Awwwww. The sweetness of it all. I'm so happy for Soren and Ike. I pictured them in my mind and they are so cute together.*wants to hug both of them but doesn't because she knows Soren would fry her ass* Too bad Princess. *evil snicker* Although I do kinda sorta feel bad for her. *trying not to smirk* I hope she finds someone else to love. *Hightly doubts it* Unless she goes for Geoffry *probably spelled wrong*. I know he loves her to death. =)
Btw, I like your story. It's really cute. ^_~

I love this story because I adore SorenXIke. I haven't completed the game yet but I feel such a strong connection between these two.

I love this story and the rections of others is spot on. LOL! Boyd's reaction is very fitting of his character! Poor Rolf wouldn't understand! lol!

I love how you make them go public, it is so cute! Continue on with this smashing story!

I'm glad you decided to continue. I liked the last chapter even better than the first one. Update again soon, I can't wait to see what comes next.

So it is not finished?
Then Im gladly waiting for updates ^^!

This was very cute...and certainly very good for your first try! Like the previous reviewer said, the present tense was a bit awkward at times, but don't let that discourage you. Even if you decide to leave it the way it is this is a very good start. You managed to really capture both character's personalities and feelings, which (I think) is something often neglected in stories like these. I hope you continue this one, I definitely want to see what happens next.

This is looking really good so far, and I have to say that there's only one thing that's bothering me enough to write about it here. For the most part, you have written this story in a form that I call "descriptive movement" for lack of a better term, and it isn't the conventional form for narrative stories like this. Usually it something that is used in stage directions for a play. An example of what you're doing would be "He sits here and listens as the man speaks to him." That verb tense places the events in the exact present time period, and continously describes the movement of the characters (thus why I call it "descriptive movement"). This is fine for plays, but for pieces like this, a more traditional convention should be used, a type of past-present tense. In this tense, the example I gave before would become "He sat there and listened as the man spoke to him." Do you see the difference? I don't mean to be rude or offensive by any means, but this is something that alot of writers do, and it's really quite bothersome. I know that some people's minds see the action of a story as if it were a play, and that's what causes them to describe it in the "descriptive movement" tense. However, if you're going to do this, then the story should be written in a play format, and not a traditional story one. I'm sorry I'm being so picky about this, but it really does bother me, and you should take it as a compliment that I'm spending so much time harrassing your work haha ;3 I hope these suggestions were helpful, and if not, you're perfectly free to forget all about them. But I do hope you can see what I mean, and at least consider changing the tense. Because right now your story is pretty good, but why not take that extra step and make it great?