rate_review Reviews

BLOWJOBMAN: HELLO, FUCKTARDS. YES, IT IS I, BLOWJOBMAN, EXCEPT THIS TIME I'M NOT HERE TO REVIEW YOUR STORIES. I HAVE NOW REGISTERED AS AN AUTHOR AT THIS FUCKING SITE, AND I PLAN TO WRITE THE FUCKING BEST FAN FICTION EVER. YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT BITCHES: THE. BEST. EVER.

ALTHOUGH I DESPISE HOMOSEXUALITY IN EVERY SHAPE, MANNER, AND FORM, I HAVE DECIDED TO DEDICATE MY INCREDIBLE WRITING TALENTS TO AUTHORING THIS DRECK, AS A GOOD FRIEND OF MINE ONCE TOLD ME THAT CHICKS RUB THEIR MUFF TO THIS SHIT. ALTHOUGH IT WILL MOST LIKELY ONLY RING ME FAT CHICKS, IT IS A WORTHY ENDEAVOR JUST TO SEE HOW THE FUCK YOU PEOPLE MANAGE TO WRITE SHIT AND LOOK AT YOURSELVES IN A MIRROR ON A REGULAR BASIS. OR MAYBE YOU DON'T KEEP MIRRORS IN YOUR HOUSE FOR THAT VERY PURPOSE. BUT THIS IS MAINLY AN EXPERIMENT, SO I HONESTLY DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR INPUT. SURE, YOU CAN REVIEW THIS STORY, BUT I'LL JUST LAUGH AT YOU ANYWAY. DO WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT.

THIS TENDER STORY IS DEDICATED TO VECTOR FUCKING CHARMEE IN THE ASS. THAT'S ABOUT IT.

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IT WAS BUSINESS AS USUAL AT THE CHAOTIX DETECTIVE AGENCY. ESPIO WAS SITTING ON HIS FAT NINJA ASS WATCHING HIS SOAPS ON TV. HE WAS CURRENTLY HARD AT WORK ON GOBBLING DOWN A BAG OF DORITOS THAT HE HAD PICKED UP AT THE TEXACO GAS STATION DOWN THE STREET. HE HAD GIVEN UP BEING A NINJA AS IT PROVIDED SHIT PAY AND WAS TOO MUCH WORK FOR HIS LAZY ASS. HOW SITTING ON HIS ASS WATCHING GENERAL HOSPITAL ON TV WAS GETTING HIM PAID WAS A QUESTION HE REFUSED TO ASK HIMSELF.

CHARMEE WAS ON THE COMPUTER IN THE LIVING ROOM, JERKING OFF TO GAY PORN LIKE HE ALWAYS DID. THE LITTLE FAGGOT BEE HAD BEEN DOING IT REGULARLY FOR THE PAST TWO YEARS NOW, AND IT WAS REALLY STARTING TO PISS ESPIO OFF. HE ALSO HATED HOW CHARMEE PARADED HIS YELLOW AND BLACK ASS AROUND THE NEIGHBORHOOD, REGULARLY BENDING OVER AND PRESENTING HIMSELF TO PASSING MEN. THE LITTLE FAGGOT WAS PRACTICALLY BEGGING FOR SOMEBODY TO FUCK HIM IN THE ASS BECAUSE HIS DICK WAS ONLY 2 INCHES LONG AND GIRLS FOUND HIM CREEPY AS HELL. ESPIO WAS ONLY TWO SECONDS AWAY FROM GETTING OFF OF HIS ASS AND USING ONE OF HIS NINJA MOVES TO SNAP CHARMEE'S BODY IN TWO, BUT THEN AGAIN HE HAD PUT ON A LOT OF WEIGHT. HE HAD PUT ON ABOUT 200 POUNDS, TO BE EXACT, AND EVEN WALKING REQUIRED GREAT PHYSICAL EFFORT. HE WASN'T SURE HE'D BE ABLE TO EVEN ATTEMPT TO EXECUTE ONE OF HIS OLD MOVES.

VECTOR WALKED INTO THE DETECTIVE AGENCY, CARRYING HIS 50-FOOT CROCODILE DONG AROUND. THAT ALSO PISSED ESPIO OFF. THE FUCKING ASSHOLE HAD BEEN BRAGGING ABOUT IT EVER SINCE EGGMAN'S ENLARGEMENT RAY HAD ACCIDENTALLY ZAPPED HIS DICK. IT WAS SO FUCKING BIG THAT WOMEN WOULDN'T EVEN FUCK HIM, FOR FEAR OF IT RIPPING THEM OPEN. THIS HAD LEFT VECTOR WITH BLUE BALLS AND A HARD-ON AS LONG AS THE ROOM.

DESPITE VECTOR'S NORMALLY HETEROSEXUAL TENDENCIES, HE WAS GETTING HORNY AS HELL. AND WHEN CHARMEE BENT OVER AND SPREAD HIS ASSHOLE IN FRONT OF VECTOR LIKE HE DID WITH THE MEN ON THE STREET, VECTOR COULDN'T HELP BUT GET HARDER.

"lolz vector plz fuckk me in da azz im horny and ghey dud", CHARMEE SAID TO VECTOR. VECTOR GULPED NERVOUSLY, POSITIONING HIS COCK HEAD AGAINST CHARMEE'S ASS OPENING. THEN-

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WHEN VECTOR HAD FINISHED, CHARMEE HAD BEEN SPLIT INTO TWO SYMMETRICAL HALVES, RIPPED OPEN BY THE 50-FOOT CROCODILIAN DICK. SEMEN HAD COATED EVERY SQUARE INCH OF THE HOUSE, SO MUCH SO THAT IT WENT UP TO VECTOR'S NECK. ESPIO HAD DROWNED TO DEATH IN THE TORRENT OF CUM, UNABLE TO PICK HIS FAT ASS UP OFF OF THE SOFA AS THE FLOOD SEMEN HAD FILLED UP THE LIVING ROOM. ALTHOUGH THEIR HOME HAD BEEN WRECKED AND HIS TWO BEST FRIENDS KILLED, VECTOR SAID TO HIMSELF:

"IT WASN'T SUCH A BAD DAY. AT LEAST I GOT RID OF MY CASE OF BLUE BALLS."

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BLOWJOBMAN: GREATEST FUCKING STORY EVER, AM I RIGHT? I PLAN TO SUBMIT IT TO DOZENS OF FAN FICTION CONTESTS WHICH I'M ASSURED TO WIN. BUT BEFORE I DO THAT I'LL HAVE TO AMASS A LOYAL FOLLOWING OF VIRGIN FAT CHICKS WITH HIDEOUS VAGINAS TO DEFEND MY WORK AGAINST ALL CRITICS, AND I MUST GET MYSELF INVOLVED IN FRIVOLOUS DISPUTES WITH OTHER AUTHORS IN ORDER TO DEFEND MY E-CREDIBILITY. AFTER ALL, I'M A SHITTY FAN-FICTION AUTHOR NOW, AND IT WOULD BE A SEVERE FAUX PAS TO NOT DO THE AFOREMENTIONED. WHILE I'M AT IT, I MIGHT AS WELL ALSO TOSS TWO OF MY FAN CHARACTERS INTO MY STORIES, HYDROGEN AND AFTERNOON. PEOPLE ARE SUCH IDIOTS THAT THEY WON'T EVEN REALIZE THAT MY CHARACTERS ARE MERELY MY ATTEMPT TO LIVE OUT MY SEXUAL NERD FANTASIES ON THE INTERWEB WITH MY BEST FRIEND, TOADY. SHE'S AN IMAGINARY WOMAN WHO LIVES ON MY SHOULDER, AND SHE DEFENDS ME FROM ANY VERBAL ASSAULT. SHE ALSO CYBERS WITH ME, LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.

Toady: Yeah, i fuck him over the internet on a regular basis.

BLOWJOBMAN: SHUT IT BITCH, GO BACK TO YOUR CAGE. READ AND REVIEW, BITCHES, I NEED IT TO VALIDATE MY WORTHLESS EXISTENCE.

Ignore Blowjobman. He's a dick who's been polluting my fanfics with things that suck at being reviews. He's also a Troll, and the worst thing about trolls is that they think they're cool. No matter what, that wanker will think he's cool for doing nothing. And he'll think he's doing you a damn favour. Pathetic, isn't it?

Your work sure isn't the best thing ever, but parts of it I do enjoy, so keep working on your style and maybe you'll manage something with a plot.

^HAS A DICK THE SIZE OF URANUS

to whom it may concern: i was conducting research for a psychology course i
am currently enrolled in and accidentally accessed your website by mistake.
i don't know wheather you think you are cool or amusing the masses by making
all these unnecessary commentaries in your articles, but you come across as
rather arrogant and abnoxious. i know i seem like i'm prying in your
buisiness, but that's exactly what you're doing as well: placing your nose
in other people's buisiness where it does not belong. it doesn't matter
weather you are serious about the things you say or wheather your website is
intended for comical purposes only, the world wide web could do just fine
without people like you. it's people like you that always managed to louse
up my days in highschool or at work. people like you sit around and wait for
someone to make a mistake and do something stupid then you laugh at them.
like you never make mistakes? are you exceptional in some special way? is
there anything that makes you any better than the rest of us all? tell me,
what kind of music do you like? how about posting an article on your website
involving positive thoughts and about the music, the food, the shows that
you like to whatch? i know why you don't do that. you're afraid people will
ridicule you. you're afraid of social rejection. in all reality, you have a
serious inferiority complex and try to mask it by cutting other people down.
what really just makes me bitter is that you have the audacity to do all
this over the internet. you sit at home and poke fun of other people behind
a keyboard at home. how cowardly is that? why not expressing your opinion in
public? i know why. because you are afraid. afraid to stand up infront of
people. you have no balls. you just think you do. you're all talk and
absolutely no walk whatsoever. i bet that's not even your picture that you
posted over your website. what was that last article all about, the one
about the antiques? if you're making fun of people who participate in
antique collections, then what are you doing whatching antique shows? make
some sense, will you?

JESUS CHRIST. I COULD ONLY READ ABOUT FOUR LINES OF THIS STORY WITHOUT VOMITING. IT ONLY TOOK THOSE FOUR LINES BEFORE I COULD SMELL THE FECES FROM THE HOMOSEXUAL ORGIES. IT'S DISGUSTING.

THE ONLY PEOPLE I CAN IMAGINE ENJOYING THIS WOULD EITHER BE QUEERS, OR FAT VIRGIN CHICKS. IF YOU'RE A FAT CHICK AND YOU'RE READING THIS, THEN TAKE MY ADVICE: GET OUT OF THE HOUSE AND GO LOSE YOUR VIRGINITY. LOSE SOME WEIGHT TOO. IT'LL DO YOU GOOD.

AND I DON'T HAVE MUCH TO SAY TO THE AUTHOR. IT'S OBVIOUSLY A FAT CHICK, SO MY ADVICE TO HER IS THAT SHE GO OUT, LOSE SOME WEIGHT, AND LOSE HER VIRGINITY TOO. BECAUSE NO WOMAN WHO'S HAD SEX COULD WRITE A STORY ABOUT MEN FUCKING EACH OTHER IN THE ASS AND LOOK THEMSELVES IN THE MIRROR STRAIGHT.

THAT'S ABOUT IT. JESUS CHRIST, THERE'S PUKE ALL OVER MY CARPET NOW. THANKS A LOT FOR THAT.

YaYness!^_^ Can't wait to read the whole things!

WOAH!!! Sounds interesting. Definitely can't wait for the story!!!

oh! i can't wait for them! XD

That was short sweet and straight to the point. Great job, as always. Yay! Can't wait till you get to me and Angel-of-twilight's request.^^ Of Collars and Chains, I like that.^_^ Well, your stuff is great keep writing!^o^

I find your stories are really fun and interesting to read. I definately look forward to reading the next update.