rate_review Reviews

Great chaps so far, but Rebbecca's not that much younger than will. Will Jaffar appear on here? ;) I don't care if he's with anyone, Nino or someone else, or noone.

Great stuff. I like it.

I've gotta say, I do not like this at all. First of all, switching in and out of script format like that is the mark of an either inexperienced writer. This would be a much easier read if it was written normally. Secondly, the characters are VERY out-of-character. I absolutely cannot imagine Lucius, of all people, suggesting that the boys in the army go and "fuck" a bunch of women for no good reason other than being sex-deprived. In fact, I can't imagine him even SAYING the word "fuck". Canas, Nils, Erk...all ridiculously out-of-character. Speaking of ridiculous, WHERE did you get these couples? Several of them don't make the least bit of sense, and the ones that do are portrayed in a way that makes even LESS sense. Guy/Fiora? Lucius/Lyn?! NILS/NINIAN?! What in the...? Also, the men are portrayed as having no personalities or feelings and, quite frankly, thinking with their dicks, which is not how men are, at least not to this extent, and makes for a plotless and vulgar story. And speaking of vulgarity- the slang words like "pussy" used so many times over...are they really necessary? To me, they just detract from the reading quality of the story, and also from my opinion of the author's intelligence.
All in all, I've got to suggest that you re-think this. It actually could be a good story, as odd couples are always fun to experiment with...if there's a meaningful plot. Unfortunately, at the MOMENT, this story seems to be missing that element.
~Avi

Yeah! Keep it up dude! I love this fic! Do the Lyn/Lucius chapter soon! Great fic and update soon!

Yes some good FE smut!! You rule! I am beggin you to write more! I think a few people were put off by the script format at the beinging so you might want to change that. Other than that please update soon!