schedule
February 9, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Yes I know I am not the best writter but I look at the story more as something within a person own desire. My spelling is horrible but I don't have an uptodate program of word so it makes it hard , and my beta reader is more busy then he has time for reading. I know that my character is a mary sue but I base her on my own experiance in a different plane of existance. But I do wish to thatnk you for all your comments and regurads to my writting. Some suggestions on how to make it better would help and I am still in works of the third chapter.
schedule
February 3, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Okay... well...
I don't like flaming people, so I'm not gonna flame you here - please don't take offense at what I'm going to say.
This fic could really, really use some work.
First, with characters:
- Satinka looks to me like a Mary Sue: super powerful, super beautiful, and everyone's bedazzled by her. I'm sure this wasn't your intention, but you might want to think about giving her faults and a more rounded personality. Develop her a little more.
- Dante and Vergil = completely OOC, most notably Vergil's acceptance of Satinka saving him. Some random chick saves Vergil, Mr. I AM ALL POWERFUL AND EVIL GRARRR FEAR ME, and he's.. in AWE of her and is okay with this? Wouldn't he be at least a little miffed that he'd had to have been saved by a woman?
As for Dante.... well... let's just say that maybe you should review the characters a little more. ^^
- Grammar. Hoo boy. Grammar. Yes.. um... look into getting a beta reader, they can be a great asset to you and will catch most if not all errors. Additionally, they can help you develop the plot more as well as the characters. If you're not into beta readers, though, at least use spell and grammar check... please.
All in all... well... I guess I've read worse. Again, I'm honestly not trying to offend you - if all I'd wanted to do was insult you, I would've just posted an insult and left. But I think you have potential, and I hope you don't take my criticism as anything other than constructive. Other than that, good luck!
I don't like flaming people, so I'm not gonna flame you here - please don't take offense at what I'm going to say.
This fic could really, really use some work.
First, with characters:
- Satinka looks to me like a Mary Sue: super powerful, super beautiful, and everyone's bedazzled by her. I'm sure this wasn't your intention, but you might want to think about giving her faults and a more rounded personality. Develop her a little more.
- Dante and Vergil = completely OOC, most notably Vergil's acceptance of Satinka saving him. Some random chick saves Vergil, Mr. I AM ALL POWERFUL AND EVIL GRARRR FEAR ME, and he's.. in AWE of her and is okay with this? Wouldn't he be at least a little miffed that he'd had to have been saved by a woman?
As for Dante.... well... let's just say that maybe you should review the characters a little more. ^^
- Grammar. Hoo boy. Grammar. Yes.. um... look into getting a beta reader, they can be a great asset to you and will catch most if not all errors. Additionally, they can help you develop the plot more as well as the characters. If you're not into beta readers, though, at least use spell and grammar check... please.
All in all... well... I guess I've read worse. Again, I'm honestly not trying to offend you - if all I'd wanted to do was insult you, I would've just posted an insult and left. But I think you have potential, and I hope you don't take my criticism as anything other than constructive. Other than that, good luck!
schedule
November 29, 2005 at 12:00 AM
~Purrs! Me likey your story~ Two kitty paws up~ Take care~ Purrs~
schedule
October 25, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Santina and Dante seem very sweet together <3
schedule
July 31, 2005 at 12:00 AM
hey you got no reviews yet,butthis is a nice fic ya got. keep it up k?
schedule
July 31, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Im glad you edited it or had someone edit it. It makes it easier to read.