rate_review Reviews

13 inches? come on.

You have a good plot, but you need to read over your story some more and maybe use some quotation marks and things like that. Again, there are some grammar and sentence structure mistakes, just go over them and the story will be great.

Agree with the guys above, I wish I knew what happened, for us your poor readers PLEASE! Use proper capitalization & punctuation marks! Your story seem good, it's just that we can't follow it due to lack of proper punctuation & stuff.

dude... everything is mixed up, its extremely hard to follow what the hell is going on, also, the good ole' smut is way too short and lacking detail, i know this is your first fic, and this kind of stuff is expected. but try to work on all that. i give 3 out of 5 because i liked the storyline, even though it lacked a backstory or plot... its very nice. and a clever and humerous name to boot. i think there are way too many fics about girl on girl action when there is no lucky son of a bitch man to get any of that ass. anyway heres my advice:
add more length and detail to the smut scenes
specify exactly who is talking, i get confused and lose the mood of the story just trying to figure out whos talking.
get kasumi into this fic... and fast :-P
read and review the story i wrote!
there you go dude, have fun with this story and just put your feelings into it
T.K. has spoken

its uh average but ders a problem i dont kno whos talkn and stuff and the grammar and sentences are fukn me up so i thnk u need to rm (remake) it but dont giv up dude i was lookn forward do dis but i rate dis 3 out of 5 still good doh keep it up

uh dis is kinda good..... but...... it aint rlly so ya need work..... dats all i got to say....