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September 14, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I'm loving it so far and I think the person was Piers.
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October 31, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Typo: 'treases' should be 'tresses'. The paragraphing could use a little editing; the first two after 'earlier that day' are split in the middle of a sentence.
It really seems to be Piers. It might have added something if he'd showed more sign of how he felt for her before then, besides speaking softly, admitting it to Sheba and going a bit icy when he didn't want his feelings to show. If there were some part that showed (rather than mainly told) how he felt, not just the way he was trying to not show it, then the line "I... just may not always show it." might mean more - as it is, 'I just never show it in any way' might seem to fit better. Flashbacks to the ship or something might have added a bit of variety... It's a nice piece, but the pace is a little slow, or the chapters a little short, I'm not sure which. You don't give Mia much character, and while she may not play a large part, her match, Isaac, is rather better portrayed. Hope this is helpful.
It really seems to be Piers. It might have added something if he'd showed more sign of how he felt for her before then, besides speaking softly, admitting it to Sheba and going a bit icy when he didn't want his feelings to show. If there were some part that showed (rather than mainly told) how he felt, not just the way he was trying to not show it, then the line "I... just may not always show it." might mean more - as it is, 'I just never show it in any way' might seem to fit better. Flashbacks to the ship or something might have added a bit of variety... It's a nice piece, but the pace is a little slow, or the chapters a little short, I'm not sure which. You don't give Mia much character, and while she may not play a large part, her match, Isaac, is rather better portrayed. Hope this is helpful.
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January 9, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Fuck update this man
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December 20, 2004 at 12:00 AM
The guy is either piers or alex,right?! GREAT STORY!!!! 10 ON 10 YAY UPDATE
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December 15, 2004 at 12:00 AM
it was pretty good, I always like IsaacXMia Fics and when Jenna gets jealous.
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December 6, 2004 at 12:00 AM
I think it's Piers. Nice twist though, with Isaac and Mia together. Unexpected as well. I just think that, with as good of a fic as this, it's unrealistic for Isaac to have been dressed that quickly.
Keep up the good work though! If you don't, demonic owls will eat you!
Keep up the good work though! If you don't, demonic owls will eat you!