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November 9, 2008 at 12:00 AM
LOL at Isaac, 8 inches and he still can't make Mia cum! Guess it just goes to show that that's what happens when you skip over the foreplay, gentlemen.
Some stumbles in the beginning. When you write fanfic you should be writing about the people and places of the video game, not the video game itself! Reading about someone's Golden Sun playthrough is pretty boring, even when it's just a paragraph or two.
Anyway, otherwise this is excellent, very descriptive, goes on for just as long as it needs to. Definitely one of the sexiest fics in the GS section. Only problem is that in the beginning of their intercourse, you keep forgetting what position they're in. Here, look over that first paragraph:
"Issac lay Mia down on the ground," - Okay, so Isaac's on top...
"and Mia took control, turning them so that she was on top," - What, she waited until he laid her down and then flipped him onto the ground? Why didn't she just go on the top to begin with?
"... as Issac would begin to pick up speed, her lightly shaven sea green pubic hairs had been rubbing against his stomach somewhat, as he trust himself deep into her." - WTF? Obviously Isaac's now on top, even though they never switched positions.
So, make up your mind! They can't both be on top at the same time! Anyway, overall very good, and it's nice to see another writer out there who thinks Mia's done her fair share of sleeping around.
Some stumbles in the beginning. When you write fanfic you should be writing about the people and places of the video game, not the video game itself! Reading about someone's Golden Sun playthrough is pretty boring, even when it's just a paragraph or two.
Anyway, otherwise this is excellent, very descriptive, goes on for just as long as it needs to. Definitely one of the sexiest fics in the GS section. Only problem is that in the beginning of their intercourse, you keep forgetting what position they're in. Here, look over that first paragraph:
"Issac lay Mia down on the ground," - Okay, so Isaac's on top...
"and Mia took control, turning them so that she was on top," - What, she waited until he laid her down and then flipped him onto the ground? Why didn't she just go on the top to begin with?
"... as Issac would begin to pick up speed, her lightly shaven sea green pubic hairs had been rubbing against his stomach somewhat, as he trust himself deep into her." - WTF? Obviously Isaac's now on top, even though they never switched positions.
So, make up your mind! They can't both be on top at the same time! Anyway, overall very good, and it's nice to see another writer out there who thinks Mia's done her fair share of sleeping around.
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June 6, 2005 at 12:00 AM
It's cool, I've had the same thing happen to me and other people, sucks about the computer. . . but nice on the Ivan/Sheba,
Long live Mudshipping!!!!
Omega X
Long live Mudshipping!!!!
Omega X
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May 23, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Sorry all, my computer broke, so I'm trying to work out a second chapter and fill in an Ivan/Sheba fic. The Ivan/Sheba fic is going pretty well too, so be on the lookout for "Winded."
And Omega X, I apologise for assuming you were someone else. Jay goes by that same name, heh...
And Omega X, I apologise for assuming you were someone else. Jay goes by that same name, heh...
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March 22, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Alas Daedalus, I am not this Jay. I hope you keep up the good work, I love this fic, and I require more! (Of course, I'm hoping for more Mudshipping/Flameshipping/Windshipping)
Omega
Omega
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February 23, 2005 at 12:00 AM
To answer all your questions (as I'm sure you've all been wondering if I'm alive...)
PWP means "Plot, what plot".
Yes, I'm aware of the doom dragon/fusion dragon error. I was partially trying to skip that part because, like I know a lot of you like to do, we want to skip to the lemony parts. =)
More chapters? Good. Expect them soon.
Short? Yeah, I know. It was a test to see if I had writing skills good enough to make people happy. Success. Expect the next chapter within a few weeks.
PWP means "Plot, what plot".
Yes, I'm aware of the doom dragon/fusion dragon error. I was partially trying to skip that part because, like I know a lot of you like to do, we want to skip to the lemony parts. =)
More chapters? Good. Expect them soon.
Short? Yeah, I know. It was a test to see if I had writing skills good enough to make people happy. Success. Expect the next chapter within a few weeks.
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February 23, 2005 at 12:00 AM
...Another thing. Omega X...Are you Jay?
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February 22, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I liked it alot. Nice detail, very romantic. Saturos and Menardi's dragon form is called the FUSION DRAGON not Doom Dragon. Aside from that, it was good. I liked the humor involving Garet's insensitivity. Brilliant! Keep it up!
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January 26, 2005 at 12:00 AM
what does pwp mean?
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January 20, 2005 at 12:00 AM
It's pretty good. Could you make an IvanSheba one, too? That would be awesome.
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January 9, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Best story I ever seen keep up the good work. I like it very much