rate_review Reviews

This story needs a major, major rewrite. Aside from the multitude grammatical errors like missing punctuation, comma splices, run-on sentences, and a number other conventions that make the story very hard to read, it's next to impossible to keep up with it while the mainstay view is constantly shifting. The undead tricks Viconia pulls while supposedly being violated are commonly completely disconnecting from a logic standpoint. I read a number of passages 5 times and was still left asking myself what the hell just happened here.

Get a grammar proofreader and use a lot more adjectives and descriptions. Readers aren't privy to your thought patterns, you need to baby them a bit.

you know its kind of freaky I use the name Kain for my PC too

Hurry up and write the next chapter

Very interesting and very good