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July 4, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Hey, great story! No really, for a lemon, this warfecrfect! Loved the suprise ending especially, never saw that one coming. This one was slow, allowing enough of the detail to sink in but move along at the same time. You don't find that in alot of stories, I really enjoyed this one. Great work!
~Link of the Hylians~
PS: Great choice of Goddesses too. Ganondorf has Power, which is Din, Farore has Courage, which is Link. I wonder what happened to Nayru...
~Link of the Hylians~
PS: Great choice of Goddesses too. Ganondorf has Power, which is Din, Farore has Courage, which is Link. I wonder what happened to Nayru...
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July 1, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Man I SO agree with maxwell-chan on this one. Ever since I played OoT I've been waiting for a story like this to come around...knowing...just knowing the rest of you respectable pervs =P out there were thinking along the same lines. I mean, come ON. Link's hott, he's the only male to have stumbled upon a fortress completely inhabited by women in a good while......and if he was taken prisoner so easily......SOME sexual frustrations had to have been let loose. They just don't show you in a rated E for everyone game. xD
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May 27, 2004 at 12:00 AM
I must admit, this surprised me. The sex is lead into pretty well and while neatleatly explained, there is some sense to it. Pacing was pretty good up until this section:
"'So, you like it more than you let on, huh?" She quickly removed her clothing, and Link thought he would fall over. mov moved close to him and pulled down his straining white pants. She lowered herself to him, and his whole body arched back. He had never felt something so wonderful before. He did what came naturally. His hips pumped up and down inside her. She was hot and wet. She panted into his ear. He opened his mouth as she moaned. His head tilted back as he felt heat rising with him. She made him feel like he was on fire. Soon she screamed into his shoulder and he saw stars. Lamina raised herself off of him and redressed. She kissed his soft lips again before pulling the key out of her pocket. She unlocked his irons, and he stared up at her in shock as he rubbed his tender wrists. Why couldn’t she have done that before? He really wanted use of his hands a few moments ago. He quickly pulled his pants up.'"
This just seems to move too quickly, compared to the rest. It's not so much the actual sex, it's just that most of what's been happening in the story up to this point has been in the character's heads, and this seems to be simple action and description of action. Just short sentences saying "He did this" then "She did that." Adding feelings and reactions to what's happening would improve the story.
The only other thing that I didn't like was the ending. The actual concept is good, very good, but the execution caused for a little confusion. I understand what happened and what you were doing, but I just think it could have been in a better way and not so rushed.
"'So, you like it more than you let on, huh?" She quickly removed her clothing, and Link thought he would fall over. mov moved close to him and pulled down his straining white pants. She lowered herself to him, and his whole body arched back. He had never felt something so wonderful before. He did what came naturally. His hips pumped up and down inside her. She was hot and wet. She panted into his ear. He opened his mouth as she moaned. His head tilted back as he felt heat rising with him. She made him feel like he was on fire. Soon she screamed into his shoulder and he saw stars. Lamina raised herself off of him and redressed. She kissed his soft lips again before pulling the key out of her pocket. She unlocked his irons, and he stared up at her in shock as he rubbed his tender wrists. Why couldn’t she have done that before? He really wanted use of his hands a few moments ago. He quickly pulled his pants up.'"
This just seems to move too quickly, compared to the rest. It's not so much the actual sex, it's just that most of what's been happening in the story up to this point has been in the character's heads, and this seems to be simple action and description of action. Just short sentences saying "He did this" then "She did that." Adding feelings and reactions to what's happening would improve the story.
The only other thing that I didn't like was the ending. The actual concept is good, very good, but the execution caused for a little confusion. I understand what happened and what you were doing, but I just think it could have been in a better way and not so rushed.
schedule
May 17, 2004 at 12:00 AM
This was a great idea. Good writing too. You should write more.
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May 16, 2004 at 12:00 AM
squee! I've been waiting for a story like this since I first played the game all those years ago. Hell, if I had him in a cell I'd have raped him too! ^^ Like you said: he's a stud!