AFF Fiction Portal
errorYou must be logged in to review this story.

rate_review Reviews

for A Night Of Fun

by Twinstar

schedule May 4, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Eek I loved this chapter! *runs in circles*

Love, Kelsey
person Kos_mos444
schedule April 30, 2004 at 12:00 AM
hope u'll update soon!! ^_^
person SpiritFighter
schedule April 30, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Okay. This is constuctive criticism so don't take it the wrong way. Did you ever go to English class? I respect your attempts, but you need a beta VERY badly. The discriptions were bland and there were so many spelling mistakes that I almost just stopped reading altogether. Your most common mistake though, was that you would use "through" instead of "threw". There is a differance hon, you go through a door and they threw clothes. You also might not want to cut of in the middle of a scene to end the chapter. I don't particularly mind it but it pisses off the majority of readers. ^_^ I hope this helps a little. If you can't find a beta, you can always email me. ^_^ I always love to h alt although this probably just pissed you off.
person midnightgamergirl
schedule April 29, 2004 at 12:00 AM
I really like this story. Please continue with it. can't wait for the update!^^ laters!
person Kos_mos444
schedule April 29, 2004 at 12:00 AM
it was awesome!! hope u update soon. ^.^