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schedule
February 25, 2004 at 12:00 AM
good....but the killing....erg. You have done a good job up ti'll then, still good. please continue
schedule
February 16, 2004 at 12:00 AM
YES!!! THIS IS SO AWSOME!!!!
but next time have Christe use a strap on and do all of lei fang!
but next time have Christe use a strap on and do all of lei fang!
schedule
February 14, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Finished chapter5 and the preceding stories. I wasn't too big a fan of the beginning but it did lay the groundwork and the hitomi/ lei fang pairing was definitely erotic even though I normally find consentual lesbian sex you make it work.
schedule
February 12, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Seriously, we cannot complain about not enough plot in your lemon. ^.^
Ie lee lemons with plot, especially if it is well-thoght, elaborated and articulated nicely.
AND I like Christie! 5/5 easily.
Ie lee lemons with plot, especially if it is well-thoght, elaborated and articulated nicely.
AND I like Christie! 5/5 easily.
schedule
February 10, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Ok so I thought that chapter 7 was cool. But this chapter was more of plot than erotica. But plot is very impostant too! So I just decided to list the goods, bads, and a few suggestions. of chp. 7.
Goods:
1. You updated!
2. Although fluid, this story keeps getting twist and turns. Never know what the hell is next.
3. It was so hot when Hitomi was pleading for mercy like that. I can imagine her heavenly voice emitting seductive moans, gasp, and yelps while she begs for mercy. Only to be doomed to more tormenting, but pleasurable arousing acts.
Bads:
1. Hitomi being degraded by sticking something up her ass that makes her belly swollen like a pregnant woman. Seriosly, that was just not right.
2. I'm confused. So Hitomi droped her robe in front of Lei Lei right? Did she have sex with Lei-Fang on this chapter after their drama pep talk? Or did they just literally sleep together? Because if they did do it, you could have wrote about it you know.
3. Can't you give Hitomi a normal more sensual sex. At firt she was drunk having hot sex with Lei-Fang using an artificial plastic penis. Then she did it with sonya with some strange liquid that had to be inserted up her ass that makes her belly swollen like she's pregnant!
Suggestions:
1. Have Lei-fang and Hitomi play around in a sleepy fetish game. Lei-fang would chloroform Hitomi when she least expects, then take adventage of her sweet vulnerable body. Of course to make it more exiting hitomi should beg alot, slip in and out of conciosness in the middle of sex, plead of how uncomfortable she is with this game, body movement descriptions such as eye rolling and fluttering, and maybe turn tabltables on Lei-fang.
2. Maybe the bartender can join in. Lol. Make him be the sudden violater of our dear two girls.
3. Add more physical description to the story.
Goods:
1. You updated!
2. Although fluid, this story keeps getting twist and turns. Never know what the hell is next.
3. It was so hot when Hitomi was pleading for mercy like that. I can imagine her heavenly voice emitting seductive moans, gasp, and yelps while she begs for mercy. Only to be doomed to more tormenting, but pleasurable arousing acts.
Bads:
1. Hitomi being degraded by sticking something up her ass that makes her belly swollen like a pregnant woman. Seriosly, that was just not right.
2. I'm confused. So Hitomi droped her robe in front of Lei Lei right? Did she have sex with Lei-Fang on this chapter after their drama pep talk? Or did they just literally sleep together? Because if they did do it, you could have wrote about it you know.
3. Can't you give Hitomi a normal more sensual sex. At firt she was drunk having hot sex with Lei-Fang using an artificial plastic penis. Then she did it with sonya with some strange liquid that had to be inserted up her ass that makes her belly swollen like she's pregnant!
Suggestions:
1. Have Lei-fang and Hitomi play around in a sleepy fetish game. Lei-fang would chloroform Hitomi when she least expects, then take adventage of her sweet vulnerable body. Of course to make it more exiting hitomi should beg alot, slip in and out of conciosness in the middle of sex, plead of how uncomfortable she is with this game, body movement descriptions such as eye rolling and fluttering, and maybe turn tabltables on Lei-fang.
2. Maybe the bartender can join in. Lol. Make him be the sudden violater of our dear two girls.
3. Add more physical description to the story.
schedule
January 14, 2004 at 12:00 AM
WHY ARE YOU NOT UPDATING!! how long has it been now? C'mon man this is probally one of the greatest DOAXBV fics i've read. UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
schedule
January 11, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Nice, elaborated characterisations of your main cast, in particular Christie is portrayed in the spirit of her DOA story. Nice done! I'm quite fond of the fact that you pair you charas up rather slowly, this really adds to the plot.
You can be proud of yourself. I'll give it a 5/5, and not only becuase of Christie spanking Leifang. ^.^
You can be proud of yourself. I'll give it a 5/5, and not only becuase of Christie spanking Leifang. ^.^
schedule
October 9, 2003 at 12:00 AM
I love this fic! More, more, more! Honestly, there isn't enough DoA yuri out there!